Ninja Tales From Another Dimension
by Toa Naruto
Summary: Insipired by the works of The Lord of the Land of Fire, here are a couple of side stories featuring our favorite ninja. These omakes were originally meant to be in my other stories, but they just don't seem to fit. I own absoultely nothing!
1. Tale 1

**Ninja Tales from Another Dimension! **

**Hey guys!!! Here are just some side stories that I just thought up for Naruto. I've tried working them in with my current stories, but they just don't seem to fit. So, without further ado, here's the first one. I own nothing.**

**Story 1: Why Sasuke Hates Energy Drinks **

It was another glorious day in Konohagakure. Well, it was for most of the village's population. No, for one certain person, this was probably one of the worst days of his natural life.

"This sucks!" muttered one Naruto Uzumaki, as he carried the last box of frozen ground beef patties into the freezer. "I mean, walking people's dogs was a better mission than this." Not a second later, Naruto felt a sharp pain from the back of his head.

"Shut up, you idiot!" said none other than Sakura Haruno. "You don't see Sasuke-kun complaining about this mission. Why can't you be more like him?" screamed the pink banshee, who had failed to notice that Sasuke had already finished his job and was waiting in a booth located near the restaurant's exit instead of helping his teammates.

"But this mission is just so frustrating!" said Naruto defensively, as he exited the freezer while shutting the door tightly, and then made his way to the booth where his other teammate was. "I mean, the client never specifically stated what he needed help with from the very beginning. And when we finally got to this place, he basically had us work like stock boys! Where's the experience that will help us in future missions? How will completing this mission improve our skills? Hell, Kakashi Sensei isn't even here! He's probably waiting in line at the bookstore to get his new trashy book right now!"

"Stop your whining, dobe." said an irritated Sasuke.

"What was that, teme!?" shouted Naruto.

"I said stop complaining, and act your own age. We ninja don't get to choose which missions we get to do. Even though some of these 'missions' are nothing more but chores that the civilians don't want to do, we are still required to do them." was the Uchiha's reply.

"Yeah, Naruto, stop acting like a big baby for once in your life." Sakura piped in, wanting to agree with Sasuke in hopes of getting the village's heart-throb to notice her. So far, this would be the fiftieth attempt this month.

"This coming from the teammate that hardly does anything at all during these missions." Naruto muttered under his breath.

"What did you say!?" shouted Sakura in a menacingly way. Her eyes had flashed their trademark "furious" white, and she was shaking her fist at him.

"N-n-nothing, nothing at all." replied Naruto, trying to placate Sakura's unstable temper. _'Nothing that I'm willing to say to your face.' _he added mentally.

Just then, the manager of the new restaurant stepped in. "Thank you all for helping me around the store." he said. "I know this isn't exactly the type of work you were expecting in a mission, but it was the only safe choice available for me since I haven't had the time to hire more employees."

"Oh, that's alright Mr. Kuzo, it was nothing that we shinobi can't handle." said Sakura sweetly.

'_Yeah, that's because **you **didn't have to move the majority of the supplies.' _grumbled Naruto mentally. He had used his shadow clones in order to get the job done faster.

_'She is so annoying. What were the instructors thinking when they let her graduate from the academy? Well, at least she's good at communicating with our clients, saves me the trouble.' _thought the would be avenger.

Kuzo just gave a hearty laugh. "Nice to know that there still ninja around here that are willing to take on small jobs around the village. You three have worked so hard, I think that it's only fair that I provide you all a free lunch."

"Really!?" asked Naruto, excitedly. He had never had anyone aside from the owners of Ichiraku's offer him free food before.

"That's very kind of you, sir," said Sakura hastily, "but it wouldn't be right just to accept…"

"Nonsense!" said Kuzo jovially. "It's the least I can do after all of your hard work! Besides, I need to get any idea on how my products would fair in Konoha. You three just grab a seat, I'll be right back." And with that, Mr. Kuzo walked off to prepare the food.

"Just great, now we're stuck here even longer. Nice going, dobe." grunted Sasuke.

"Yeah, way to mess things up for all of us, you baka!" added Sakura, who then bopped Naruto hard on the head before taking a seat next to Sasuke.

"What the hell? How is this my fault!?" asked a very disgruntled Naruto who sat across the two most unbearable teammates that anyone could be forced to work with (**AN: at least, in my opinion)**.

"You just had to accept Kuzo's offer, and now we're expected to eat Kami knows what he lays out for us!" said Sakura, who was hoping that her scolding of Naruto would get Sasuke to notice her more.

"Oh come on, this guy owns a chain of restaurants all over the Elemental Countries, I think that whatever he has to offer will be fine. Besides, it would've been rude to refuse his offer just because you want to try asking Sasuke out again, even though you already know that he's going to say no." That proved to be the wrong thing to say, as Sakura whacked Naruto on the head again, producing a large purplish whelp to appear.

A moment later, Mr. Kuzo returned with a tray filled with three weird sandwiches; three holders that had small, long, strange-looking golden rectangles sticking out of them; and three medium sized cups with plastic coverings and straws sticking out of them.

"Well then, here you go!" said Kuzo as he placed the tray on the table where Team 7 was sitting at. "Three Double Cheeseburgers, with three medium French fries, and three medium Bizz energy drinks on the house. If you need refills on your drinks, the drink fountain is to your left." he said as he pointed to a large box-like structure that had multiple nozzles and triggers for various soft drinks. "Now if you excuse me, I've got some paper work to take care of. Enjoy yourselves." He said, as he walked back to his office.

The three junior ninjas just stared at the food that was in front of them, not sure what to do. It was Naruto who decided to be the brave one. Mentally preparing himself for the worst, Naruto took the smallest bite possible from his cheeseburger. His dread instantly changed into delight, as he took a second bigger bite out of the sandwich.

"Hey, this is pretty good!" said Naruto while still chewing.

Seeing that Naruto had obviously not died of food poisoning, his remaining teammates decided to try the foreign dishes as well. Since Sakura was still trying to maintain her diet, and that the cheeseburger that Naruto was eating looked like it was loaded with carbs, she decided to try the French fries first. Sasuke, on the other hand, decided to just go with the energy drink.

"Mmm…these fries aren't half bad, if not a little salty. What do you think, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke didn't answer her, as he was to busy gulping down his drink. Once he had gotten every last sip that he could from the cup, Sasuke gasped for air. Sakura and Naruto just sat there staring at their normally broody comrade act so out of character.

"So…uh… how's that energy drink, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura.

"It's pretty good." said Sasuke briskly, before he headed to the drink fountain. Almost immediately, he placed his cup under the nozzle for Bizz. As soon as his cup was full, Sasuke immediately began to down the beverage as fast as possible. The remaining members of Team 7 were now starting to get a bit disturbed with Sasuke's abnormal behavior; he had never ever acted this erratic before. Getting up, Naruto and Sakura walked up to where Sasuke was.

"Whoa…you thirsty or something Sasuke?" asked Naruto, as Sasuke was finishing his second helping of Bizz.

As soon as he knew that his cup was empty, Sasuke immediately placed it under the Bizz nozzle again. "Heh, yeah! Yeah! This stuff is really good!" said Sasuke before he began slurping his drink once again. Only this time, the two genin could see that their comrade's eyes were now wide and that he was visibly shaking. Sasuke continued to refill his cup, even when it started to overflow. And just like before, Sasuke gulped it down within seconds. But as he was drinking, Sasuke grabbed another cup from the dispenser that was near by and began to fill it with the energy drink that he was addicted to.

Soon, a continuous chain began to form: Sasuke would refill his cup, drink, and then refill, all at an alarming pace. Also, Sasuke's behavior began to become more and more spastic. As he continued drinking, the Uchiha's head began to shake from left to right at a speed that wasn't normal, all the while making loud gargling noises and speaking in some fast gibberish dialect that neither Sakura nor Naruto could understand. Unfortunately, these mannerisms would soon be the least of their problems.

Thanks to the Uchiha's constant consumption of the energy drink, the nozzle ran out in a matter of seconds. Still in his crazed state, Sasuke tried to drink straight from the several other nozzles that were on the dispenser. Sasuke went from nozzle to nozzle trying to get as much caffeinated soda as he could, all the while speaking in rushed gibberish. But since the restaurant wasn't ready for customers yet, the nozzles soon ran dry until there was nothing left but carbonated air. Noticing that there was no soda left, Sasuke's head once again started its spasms, his gibberish becoming even louder.

As all of this was happening, Sakura just stood there, completely slack-jawed at what she was witnessing her crush doing. She had always expected this type of behavior from her annoying teammate, not from her dreamy, mature, mysterious hunk-of-man. Seeing all this with her own eyes was destroying everything that she once believed about Sasuke.

Naruto, on the other hand, thought that all of this was extremely funny. "Oh man, I wish that I had a video camera right now." he said, chuckling lightly. This statement brought Sakura out of her shocked state, and reawakened her anger that she then directed towards Naruto.

"You think this is funny, you baka?! Sasuke-kun is having a mental breakdown, and all you can think about is video taping his suffering!? Naruto, you bastard!!!" shrieked Sakura as she reared her fist back to pound poor Naruto again.

"I AM CORNHOLIO!!!!" shouted a voice that sounded very familiar, yet very foreign. The new voice, however, did manage to stop Sakura's intended pummeling. Both Naruto and Sakura focused on where the source of the voice originated. The sight that was waiting for them wasn't what they expected.

Standing there was none other than Sasuke, but not the Sasuke that his teammates were used to seeing. This Sasuke was wide eyed, had his forearms at a 90 degree angle next to his chest, twitching violently, and had slipped his shirt over his head to form a makeshift hood.

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!!! Heh heh, I need TP for my bunghole!!!" shouted Sasuke, in a quasi-Spanish accent. Sakura and Naruto just stared at Sasuke as if he had grown a second head. But they didn't get to stare for long, as Sasuke began to make his way towards the restaurant's grill, all the while making incoherent noises and shaking his head at an alarming speeds. Once he made to the grilling area and saw the box of frozen burger patties, Sasuke sprung into action.

"MY BUNGHOLE WILL EAT NOW!!!!" shouted Sasuke as he ripped open the box and withdrew several burger patties. "You must prepare a feast for the Almighty Bunghole!!" he said to no one in particular, before he started to throw the patties haphazardly all over the grill. He then reached down into the utensil bar as if he was looking for something.

"Would you like… a spatula?" asked Sasuke as he pulled out the utensil. "Heh heh, for your bunghole?" And then with that, Sasuke began to cook the patties. But second later, he stopped and began to pace back and forth in the grill area, his gibberish still continuing. Naruto and Sakura carefully crept to where Sasuke was in order to observe him, and possibly find out what was wrong with him.

"You must feed the Almighty Bunghole!!" shouted Sasuke, has he paced back and forth. Sasuke's teammates were so focused on his behavior, that they failed to notice the figure that was approaching them from behind.

"Hey, what's going on here!?" said Mr. Kuzo, effectively making the two teenage ninja jump.

"Mmmr. Kuzo, wwwhen did you…" began Sakura, still recovering from the her surprise.

"I thought I heard something similar to a crack addict in a dryer in the lobby, so I went to investigate. But, didn't expect to see this!!!" he said as he gestured towards Sasuke.

"**THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO**!!!!! **BUNGHOOLLIIOOHHOO** !!! **THE ALMIIGGHHTTYY BUNGHOOOLLLIIIHHHOOO **!!!" sang Sasuke on a very off-key tone.

"Just what the hell is he doing!?" asked Kuzo.

"We don't know." said Naruto. "He was fine just moments ago. He only started acting weird when he drank that Bizz energy drink. I mean, what do they put in that stuff, anyways?"

"I AM CORNHOLIO!!!" said the hyped-up Sasuke in between several absurd noises, "I MUST SEE YOUR BUTT-HOLE!!! HA-HARRR!!!!"

"How should I know, I just sell the stuff. From where I come from, just about everyone drinks Bizz, they're all just fine. Hold on, let me get the storage container from the back. It should list the ingredients in that drink." said Kuzo before he walked back to the storage room, where he kept all of the supplies. At that moment, Sasuke stopped at the grill area's opening, and looked directly at his teammates.

"Bunghole. Heh heh. Bungholio. WHOOHAARRR!" said Sasuke before he continued to pace around aimlessly all the while gibber-jabbing. Just then, the hourly shift manager arrived, and was immediately driven to the commotion that Sasuke was causing.

"Hey, is he a new employee or something? What kind of language is he speaking?" she asked. "Hey kid, _habla espanol_?"

"Espanol? Heh heh. Es Bunghole!!! Habla ba-habla!!!" responded Sasuke, before he exited out the restaurant through the employee exit, with his arms still at a 90 degree angle, his forearms parallel to his sides.

"Sasuke-kun, where are you going? Wait, come back here!!!" shouted Sakura, as she chased after him.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Naruto as he tried to follow Sakura, but was held back by some unseen force. Turning behind him, he saw that it was the female shift manager that was holding onto the collar of his jacket, looking very annoyed.

"And just _where _do you think you're going? Who's going to clean up your buddy's mess?" she said, all the while her gaze was directly focused on the blonde.

"…Aw man." said Naruto despondently.

**1**

_With Sakura _

'_This is just crazy' _thought Sakura as she ran down the street, looking for Sasuke. He had somehow disappeared when he left the restaurant. _"What's causing Sasuke-kun to act like this!? He's never been like this before. I mean, he's acting more immature than that baka Naruto, and he's annoying 24/7! Gah! Where are you Sasuke-kun?'_ she thought while looking for any trace of the crazed avenger. Suddenly, she came across an elderly woman that was picking up what appeared to be her groceries from the ground. Sakura was about to just ignore her until she heard the old lady mutter "damn twitching bastard".

"Excuse me, ma'am," she called out, gaining the woman's attention, "have you seen a boy with dark black hair, black eyes, and wearing his shirt on his head?"

"You bet you pink haired, over-sized head I did!" shouted the old lady angrily. "I was walking home from the grocery store, minding my own business, when this fast-talking boy came waltzing up to me with his hands in the air, demanding that I give him TP for his bunk hole, or whatever he called it. When I told him to get lost, he just pushed me down, ripped through my groceries and drank all of the iced coffee that I bought. It practically cost an arm and leg to get that coffee!"

"I am so sorry, ma'am. He doesn't usually act like that." said Sakura, beginning to feel more and more like the mother of a troublemaking kid. "Sasuke-kun is normally a very respectable and dignified shinobi, there's just something wrong with him today."

"Tch, I'll say." retorted the old lady.

"Ma'am, do you know where Sasuke-kun went?" asked Sakura in hopes that she could somehow stop Sasuke before anything else went wrong.

"Yeah, he went that way" she replied while pointing towards the street behind her, " two blocks down, and then took a left. And I'll tell ya, if I ever see that no good, spastic sonovabitch again, I'm gonna shove my walker up his goddamned ass!!!"

Sakura wasted no time following the directions the old lady gave her. After hearing what Sasuke did, her determination to find him was dramatically increased. If she didn't stop him soon, who knows what he could next.

**1 **

_Back with Naruto _

"Come on, come _on_! How much longer are they going to keep me on hold!?" said a clearly aggravated Naruto while waiting on the phone. After Sakura had left to pursue Sasuke, Naruto was left to clean up his teammate's mess. Thankfully, with the help of his shadow clones and the shift manager, the whole place was cleaned up like nothing had ever happened. As they were putting up the cleaning supplies, Mr. Kuzo returned with the Bizz container. It listed a whole bunch of ingredients that Naruto hadn't a clue as to what they were. Coincidentally, he did find a very small warning label at the very bottom saying that over consumption of this drink could cause consumers to experience extended periods of hyperactivity and psychosis.

'_Some warning label that was. They had it printed on the bottom of the box in the smallest print possible!!! At least they provided a phone number for customer service. Now if only they would actually answer!!!!' _thought Naruto angrily. Seeing that this could take a while, Naruto had created a few disguised shadow clones, and sent them to the library to search for ways to end extended periods of hyperactivity as quickly as possible. The librarian often kicked him out, seeing him as nothing but an abomination, so a simple transformation was the only way that Naruto could even hope to enter the library undetected.

"I wonder how's Sakura-chan doing with the teme?" asked Naruto to no one in particular. Suddenly, he heard a voice from the phone's receiver.

"Hello, Bizz Inc. Customer Service Hotline, how can I help you?" said a woman's voice.

"Hi, I'm calling in response to the warning label on box of Bizz that was purchased for Kuzo's Burgers. You see, my friend drank a bit too much of your product, and he is experiencing the same symptoms that was listed on the warning. I was wondering if you had a way to bring him back to normal." said Naruto.

"Well, sir, I believe that I can help you. Now first of all, you must make sure that your friend does NOT drink anymore caffeinated beverages. If he so much as drinks another _sip _of soda or anything that has caffeine, his condition will only worsen." said the receptionist.

Naruto immediately felt his hopes for an easy solution begin to crumble. "…Rrriiiggghhhtttt. Say, hypothetically, my friend drank a bit more than a sip of soda, what would happen then?" asked Naruto carefully.

"Well, that depends. How much more are we talking about?"

"Oh…I'd say about…two half filled restaurant dispensers more."

**1 **

_With Sasuke/Cornholio _

"I am Cornholio. Heh heh. I have no bunghole. Heh heh. Bungholio." said Sasuke, shirt still over his head, as made his way down the one of Konoha's many busy streets. Restaurants and shops were on both the left and right of the pathway. The people, however, were giving him plenty of room as he made his way down the street. As Sasuke walked past a barbeque restaurant, a certain blonde haired girl along with her teammates and sensei spotted him.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!!!" squealed Ino, as she rushed outside to glomp her crush, getting sighs from her teammates and sensei. Upon hearing the sound of someone running towards him and the caffeine still affecting his common sense, Sasuke turned around to face the attacker, placed his forearms in another ninety degree angle(with the forearms parallel to his chest) and asked in his quasi-Spanish accent "ARE YOU THREATENING ME!?"

This made Ino stop dead in her tracks, completely lost for words. This was not what she had expected from Sasuke at all. "Sasuke-kun…are you okay?" she asked carefully.

"I am not Sasgay-koon! I am Cornholio, guardian of the Almighty Bunghole!!! And I……" Sasuke's beady little eyes widened as he spotted the full body bandages that Ino was wearing under her skirt and blouse. "WHOOHOOHOOHOOAAAAHHHHH! TP! You must give me your TP!!!" he said as he pointed to Ino's stomach, then started to make his way towards the girl. Ino, not knowing what had happened to the Uchiha, tried to think of what Sasuke wanted from her. But before she could act on the request, Shikamaru and Choji appeared in front of her, both of them looking very peeved.

"Hey, Uchiha, just where do you get off?" said Choji.

"I'd never thought that you would actually stoop this low Sasuke. Go be troublesome somewhere else, and leave Ino alone." said Shikamaru, who was clearly annoyed that he had to defend his bossy teammate.

"TRICK OR TREAT, SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!" shouted a convulsing Sasuke.

Only three words came to Team Ten's genin mind after that outburst. _'What the hell!?' _

"GIVE ME YOUR TP!!!!!!" shouted Sasuke, as advanced on Team Ten, all the while making incoherent noises. But his path was immediately blocked by Asuma Sarutobi, who was looking angry.

"That's enough, Uchiha. You're coming with me to see Inoichi about your current mental condition." said Asuma.

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME!!!???" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, maybe I am. You have no right to assault my team, let alone your fellow comrades. And as your superior officer, I am commanding you to go see Inoichi Yamanaka so that he can reevaluate your mental health. I don't care how special the civilians convinced you to think you are, if you refuse to comply, I'll have you discharged from the shinobi corps for disobeying a superior's orders and attacking fellow Leaf nin!"

"No, Sensei!!! Don't do that!" shrieked Ino. But her wails were ignored.

"You can take me, but you cannot take my bunghole! Hehheh meh heh! For I have no bunghole. Hehheh meh heh! I am the Great Cornholio. Hehheh meh heh!" said Sasuke.

"All right, that's it. You're coming with me, Uchiha!" said Asuma, as he grabbed Sasuke and vanished with a shunshin. But not before Sasuke could shout "No man should be without TP!"

"NO!" screeched Ino. "Why is Sensei overreacting like this?" She then glared at Shikamaru and Choji. "And why did you two have provoke Sasuke-kun like that!? This is both of your faults!!!"

Shikamaru just sighed, and then turned to face Choji. "You see, _this _is why we should have left her to deal with her own problems. Coming to her rescue is such a drag" he said lazily.

"I suppose you're right." sighed Choji.

"Hey! Listen to when to me when I'm talking to you two!!!" screeched an enraged Ino. "You both have to tell my father that you two started this fight, before Sasuke-kun gets in trouble!!!"

It was at that moment that Sakura arrived, looking very frantic and out of breath. "Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, have any of you seen Sasuke-kun pass by here? It's really important that I find him." she said.

"Hmph! You're a little too late, forehead. Thanks to these jerks, Asuma Sensei is going to get my father and the Hokage to discharge Sasuke-kun!" said Ino.

"Have you forgotten that he tried to _attack_ you, Ino? Or do you consider having your precious "Sasuke-kun" assult you in public a gift from Kami!?" said Choji irritably.

Ino just looked at Choji, shocked that he would actually say that such a thing to her. But the shock instantly turned in to rage. "What did you just say to me, fa-"

"Wait a minute, _wait a minute_!" interrupted Sakura, "Exactly what happened here?"

"Ugh, it's so troublesome to explain, but Ino tried to glomp Sasuke, but he stopped her by shouting "are you threatening me?" for everyone to hear. He then proceeded call himself Cornholio and demand Ino give her body bandages to him, calling it TP. Choji and I went to defend our troublesome teammate from "Cornholio", when he made a threatening gesture towards us. This prompted Sensei to take him to the Hokage and Ino's dad in order to reevaluate his sanity." said Shikamaru in a bored tone.

"And now he'll be discharged for sure," ranted Ino, "all thanks to…"

"WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FREAKING PIE-HOLE ALREADY!!!!!!???????" hollered Choji, gaining stunned expressions from his comrades. They had always seen the Akimichi as a kind and gentle person who would never harm a fly. Unless, of course, said fly landed on his food. So it was a major shock for Sakura, Shikamaru, and Ino to see Choji so angry.

"Right then…" started Sakura, making sure that she didn't set off Choji's anger again. "I'll…just be going then…see ya!" Sakura ran off to Hokage Tower as fast as she could, determined to save Sasuke and to get away from the awkward scene.

**1 **

_In Tsunade's Office _

"Where I come from, there is no TP. Heh heh. My people, we have but one bunghole. WOOAARRR!" said Sasuke, as he paced around the Hokage's office Tsunade, Asuma, Shizune, and Inoichi watched with a mixture of fascination and disbelief.

"Okay, would you please explain to me exactly what the _hell _has happened to Sasuke?" said Tsunade who doing quite well with holding back her laughter. It wasn't everyday that you get to see the stoic Sasuke Uchiha look and act like a complete idiot.

"My team and I were having lunch at our usual barbeque restaurant, when Ino spotted him walking down the street and went to greet him. That's when things started get strange. He denied his identity, saying that his name was…Cornholio, I think it was." said Asuma.

"I have come here, to bring your people TP. I am Cornholio!" shouted Sasuke.

"Cornholio? What the hell kind of name is that?" said Inoichi, ignoring Sasuke. Is it his first name or last?"

Asuma just shrugged. "I don't know. It's the only name he gives."

"Hmmm…Judging by his current behavior and his tragic past, he could be experiencing some sort of delayed bipolar disorder, or possibly some sort of split personality created to deal with pent-up stress. What else can you tell me about this _Cornholio_?"

"Well, he says that he's from Lake Titicaca."

"_Lake Titicaca?_" asked Tsunade incredulously. Just then, Sasuke turned to face the group, his hands still in the air.

" Meh heh. Lake Titicaca! Meh heh! Titicaca!" said Sasuke, before he began his aimless pacing again.

"Shizune, will you please find out _were _exactly is this _Lake Titicaca_, or if it even exists?" said Tsunade. But it was Sasuke that answered her.

"Nnneerrrra…Nicaragua!"

"_Nicaragua!?_"

"Agua for my bunghole!" declared Sasuke before he went back to his pacing and gibberish once again.

"Oh yeah, and he keeps on saying that he needs TP for his bunghole, or something of that nature." added Asuma.

"What the hell is a bunghole!?" asked Tsunade, who was getting rather annoyed with this whole fiasco very quickly. "Shizune, will find out what a bunghole is?" At that moment, Sasuke decided to add his two cents again.

"_You _are a bunghole! And so am I. Hmeh heh. There will be more bungholes after me!"

Sensing that her mentor was about to punch the Uchiha through the office window, Shizune quickly found a dictionary on a bookshelf and began looking through its pages for the weird word.

"Hold on, Lady Tsunade, I've got a dictionary." she said as she was flipping through the pages. "Lets see…where is it…Ah, here it is. Bunghole: a hole in a barrel or keg used for pouring in or withdrawing liquids."

"LOKANAR MANADORA-DIDIDI-BUNGA HOLE! BRRRARRR!" said Sasuke.

"Okay, it's clear that this kid is messed up in the head." said Tsunade over Sasuke's rambling. She then turned her attention to Inoichi. "Inoichi, take him hospital room 313 and see if there's anything that you can do to alter his mind into a more decent state."

"Yes, Lady Hokage." said Inoichi, with a short respectful bow, before walking over to where Sasuke was pacing around, rambling incoherently and showing no signs of stopping soon. "Alright, Cornholio, it's time to go now."

"Are you threatening me!? Heh, you will give me TP! Heh, Bunghole!?" said Sasuke.

"Yeah, yeah, I know that your bunghole needs TP. We'll get you plenty of TP just as soon as we get you to the hospital, and your bunghole will be just fine." said Inoichi as he tried to lead the pacing boy towards the exit.

"I would hate for my bungholio to get polio." said Sasuke.

"Me too. Now, come on Cornholio, right this way." said the Yamanaka clan head, as he led the boy out the door, and down a hallway.

But not a second later the remaining shinobi in the office saw Sasuke walking the other way, with Inoichi chasing after him. "The Bunghole! It is nothing to be ashamed of."

As soon as Inoichi led Sasuke down the correct path to the empty room, again, Tsunade let out a deep sigh.

"Of all the times for Kakashi to be on a S-rank mission, it just _had _to be when one of his students loses his mind." groaned Tsunade.

"Oh, I don't know." said Shizune, giggling a little, "I thought that it was kind of funny."

"Oh, it may be funny to you, but it's just one huge headache for me, especially once the council hears about this." retorted Tsunade, as she reached for the drawer that contained her sake. She was about to slide it open, when Shizune's foot slammed across the drawer, preventing the blonde from opening it.

"Well then, I guess it would be best if you remained sober on the off chance that you get a surprise visit from _them. _Wouldn't you agree, Lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked innocently. Tsunade just scowled at her apprentice, before turning her gaze upon Asuma.

"I appreciate you alerting me of this situation, Asuma, but I suggest that you get back to your team." said Tsunade, still irritated with Shizune's intervention and was looking for something or _someone_ to vent on. Unfortunately for her, the village councilors and Danzo were no where to be seen at the moment.

Realizing that his well being was at stake, Asuma quickly left with a shunshin. Just as the jonin had vanished, Sakura ran through the doorway looking very frantic and out of breath.

"Lady Tsunade, where is Asuma Sensei and Sasuke-kun!? It's an emergency!" she asked.

Tsunade just sighed; today just wasn't her day. "There's nothing to worry about, Sakura. Sasuke is already getting the necessary attention needed for his current condition. He should be…"

"But I know the _real_ reason why Sasuke-kun is acting so strangely! I was there when it happened!" Sakura blurted out.

This gained Tsunade and Shizune's attention instantly Tsunade, however, looked a bit skeptical. "Alright then, Sakura, could you please explain why Sasuke's behavior has taken such a drastic…change?" she asked.

Sakura immediately answered, not wanting to waste any time. "Right, it started out as a normal D-rank mission where we had to help restock a new restaurant called Kuzo's Burgers. Once we were finished, Kuzo made us lunch as a way of thanking us for helping him. At that time, Sasuke-kun was fine and acting like he normally does. But when he drank that energy drink, that's when he started to behave so strangely. And his bizarre behavior only worsened when drank more of that stuff as well as the rest of the caffeinated drinks there. Before we could stop him, he ran out of the building and disappeared down a street."

"Wait a minute, hold on a second." said Tsunade "Are you telling me that all of this was started because Sasuke is just experiencing an overdose on caffeine!?"

"Yyeah, that sounds just about right, ma'am." said Sakura sheepishly.

"Are you absolutely sure that this what caused him to act like this?"

"Yes, Lady Tsunade, Naruto and I saw it happen ourselves."

Tsunade just sighed; this whole situation was becoming more of an annoyance than it already was.

"Then, we might have a problem on our hands." the blonde Hokage said, as she rubbed her temples. "Inoichi Yamanaka has already left for the hospital with Sasuke. We originally thought that due to the…unfortunate tragedy… that happened in his youth, Sasuke experienced a severe mental breakdown. So, I had Yamanaka-san take him to the hospital in order to perform a few memory repression and mind altercation jutsus in order to bring him back to normal. But in light of this new evidence, those jutsus will most likely cause irreversible damage to his psyche."

This tidbit of information caused Sakura to instantly forget her exhaustion. "WHAT!? We have to go and save Sasuke-kun, now!" screeched Sakura. She was just about to bolt out the door when Tsunade's next question stopped her.

"By the way, Sakura, where's Naruto?"

Sakura just looked at her leader, utterly confused. "E…Excuse me?"

"You said that your team was performing a D-rank mission when Sasuke's accident occurred. And since Naruto's not with you at this time, I'm curious as to where he is." said the voluptuous Hokage.

At this point, Sakura had the decency to look embarrassed, as she had completely forgotten about her other teammate during the whole ordeal. Thinking back to when Sasuke left the restaurant, she remembered exactly why Naruto wasn't with her trying to catch their crazed teammate.

"Uh…well…You see…Sasuke-kun sort of made a mess when his erratic behavior began…and when I left to stop Sasuke-kun before he hurt himself…I think an employee made Naruto stay to clean up the mess." replied a sheepish Sakura. She recoiled slightly when she saw her leader frown at her.

"So…you purposely abandoned one of your teammates so that you could pursue your other teammate, is that correct? said Tsunade, with a bit of disappointment in her tone.

"Yyeah," said Sakura, who was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable under the Hokage's gaze. "But you see, Sas…"

"Never mind, right now we have to stop Inoichi-san from performing those jutsus." And with that Tsunade got up from her desk and made her way towards the door, followed by her assistant and Sakura. But before she walked out of the doorway, she turned her attention back towards the pink haired kunoichi. "But make no mistake, Sakura, we _will _talk about this after everything has been taken care of." she said, before walking out.

Sakura was surprised by this statement. She tried to think of a reason why her leader was upset with her actions, but could not find anything that would have gotten the Hokage so irritated with her.

**1**

_With Sasuke and Inoichi _

"Heh heh, I am the Great Cornholio!!! Heh heh. I am a gringo! Heh heh. I have no bunghole, heh heh, bungholio!" Heh heh!" said the still crazed Sasuke as he paced around aimlessly in the hospital room that was reserved for patients that were in need of medical treatment for their mind.

"Yeah, whatever you say Cornholio-san." droned a member of the Yamanaka clan, who was asked by Inoichi to assist him with the procedure. He had learned long ago that it was better to just agree with whatever the Uchiha said at this point. Meanwhile, Inoichi was ignoring the idiotic ramblings in favor for searching through the Yamanaka clan's mind jutsu scroll for the most effective jutsu that would be able to fix the severe mental trauma that the boy was clearly suffering from.

'_The sooner we're finished with this, the better. I don't know how much more of this brat's ranting I can take before I take a kunai to his vocal cords.' _thought the Yamanaka clan head. _'What my precious daughter sees in him, I'll never know.' _

"No! Wait! Stop, Cornholio!!!!"

**"BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO**!!!**"**

**CRASH! **

"What the hell!?" shouted Inoichi. But as he turned his attention back to what was behind him, all he saw was a room with a broken window, which the stunned Yamanaka clan member was currently staring at. Sasuke was no where to be seen.

"Gin, where the hell is Sasuke?! What did you do!!??" shouted Inoichi.

The voice of his clan head awoke the now-named Gin from his shocked stupor. "I…I didn't do anything, Inoichi-sama. Cornho…I mean Uchiha-san was just fine until he saw something out the window. When I tried to see what he was looking at, he ran back towards the door. At first, I thought that he was going to escape through the door, and tried to stop him. But at the last moment, he turned around and ran straight for the window, crashing right through it."

"He…jumped through the window?" repeated Inoichi. "But we're on the third floor, and there aren't any trees around this room!!!"

Gin only gaped at this information. "But…but that would mean that…" said the Yamanaka. Suddenly, both men paled once they realized what was the most likely outcome of Sasuke's action. An instant later, they barreled through door and raced to the ground floor of the hospital.

**1**

_Minutes Before Cornholio's Escape, Outside the Hospital _

"I still say that was a cheap shot, bug boy!" shouted an indignant Kiba Inuzuka, as he nursed his fractured wrist. He and the rest of his team were currently making their way to the hospital.

"I do not see why you are so upset, Kiba." said the ever stoic Shino Aburame. "Being a ninja means that you must always look _underneath the underneath_. That way, we are never caught off guard whenever we are facing off against an enemy."

"But I'm _not _the enemy, I'm your teammate!" growled the Inuzuka.

"Then use this as a learning experience. Now you know that your taijutsu style has a opening in which you need to improve on. You should be grateful that you found out about it while you were in the village, instead of during a mission." retorted Shino. This only Kiba even more irritated.

"Why you…" he growled.

Kurenai sensed that the situation was about to escalate and decided to intervene. "Enough, you two. Shino's right, Kiba; you need to realize that your form isn't perfect, and need to be able to accept criticism from your teammates. It's always better to discovery your flaws in a spar against a comrade, than a fight against the enemy. And Shino, while it is alright to help your comrades improve their skills, breaking their wrists would be considered going a bit too far." she said.

"Yes, sensei." monotoned Shino.

"Yes, sensei." sighed Kiba. He then turned his attention back to Shino. "But still, I would've creamed ya if you hadn't used that sneak attack. Right, Akamaru?"

The small dog that was riding atop of the young brunette's head answered with a few barks.

"Aw, come on!" whined Kiba. "Shino just got lucky, that's all."

Kurenai just sighed at the antics between the boy and his dog. They acted more like squabbling brothers than like the normal master and pet usually did. Hinata, the kunoichi genin of the team, just watched on quietly with amusement. They were about to enter the hospital, when suddenly, the team heard some commotion coming from behind them. Turning to face the source of the disturbance, the members of Team Eight were surprised to see the Fifth Hokage, her personal assistant, and Sakura running towards them. Many of the civilians were also shocked to see their leader in such a state, but gave her wide birth and respectful greetings as she stormed past them.

Both Shino and Hinata were curious as too what had happened in order for the Hokage to be rushing to the hospital in such a manner. Kiba, on the other hand, was more focused on staring at how Tsunade's chest seemed to move as she ran, until Akamaru gave a quick bite to Kiba's ear. Kurenai, being the leader, approached the Hokage as she came towards her team.

"Lady Hokage, is there an emergency at hospital?" asked Kurenai. Tsunade was about to explain the situation, when another voice beat her to it.

"You bet there is!" screeched Ino, as she stormed towards the group, with Choji and Shikamaru trudging behind her. "Thanks to these bakas, Sasuke-kun is being falsely charged for something he didn't do!"

"Actually, a couple of witnesses would beg to differ." stated Shikamaru, which earned him a death glare from the troublesome blonde. Choji said nothing, as he continued to munch on some chips that he had brought along.

"Shut up, you lazy baka!!! You're just jealous that Sasuke-kun is better than you!!!" screeched the girl. Akamaru whined as he placed his paws over his ears, trying to block out the loud girl.

"Not now, Ino-pig!" said Sakura. "We have to stop your dad before he turns Sasuke-kun into a vegetable!"

"WHAT!?"

"Okay, just what the hell is going on?!" shouted a now annoyed Kiba. But before he could get an answer, the sound of glass breaking was heard from somewhere on the hospital's third floor, as well as a cry of "**BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO**!!!". Sensing something plummeting towards them, the group jumped out of the way just seconds before Sasuke landed on the ground with a loud thud, creating spider web cracks underneath him.

As Sasuke righted himself, he began to take in all of his new surroundings, as well as the people. His twitching and ramblings only increasing with each passing second, especially as his gaze fell upon Kurenai (more specifically her attire). But before he could act, yet another voice garnered his and the groups attention.

"Hey, Cornholio-teme, over here!!!" It was Naruto, holding up a roll of toilet paper. As soon as Sasuke saw the item, his trembling immediately stopped and his eyes became dilated.

"T…P…" said Sasuke, as if he were in a trance. For what seemed like hours, Sasuke just stood there, staring at the roll of TP that Naruto was holding. Tsunade, Sakura, Hinata, and everyone else just stared at the scene, unable to believe that this was actually happening. Then, without warning, Sasuke charged at Naruto with his arms stretched out forward, all the while rambling loudly. Naruto, however, just stood where was, not moving an inch.

"LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!!!!!"

'_Okay, the manual said that I had to time this just right.' _thought Naruto, as he watched the crazed Sasuke approach closer and closer. As Sasuke reached the closest possible position, Naruto threw the toilet paper at his crazed teammate. The reaction was the perfect one that Naruto had been hoping for, as Sasuke's attention immediately shifted from the blonde to the roll of TP that was falling towards the ground. Sasuke jumped into the air and caught the roll with ease, landing swiftly on his feet; finally, he had completed his goal of getting his precious TP. But Sasuke was so caught up in his accomplishment that he failed to Naruto already using the Uchiha's distraction to his advantage.

As soon as he determined that Sasuke's attention was completely focused on the toilet paper, Naruto dashed towards his teammate as fast as he could. Just as he was about an inch away from Sasuke, Naruto pulled back his right foot, and then launched it as hard as he could towards the one weak spot all men shared: the crotch.

THWACK!!!

The result was instantaneous as Sasuke gave a loud gargled shout of pain before collapsing into a shuddering heap on the ground.

"D-d-damn you, Naruto." groaned Sasuke in his normal voice, if only a little bit higher than usual. Sasuke then curled up in a fetal position, trying to withstand the pain. "I-I-I'm gonna kick your ass for this, d-d-d-dobe."

Everyone in the surrounding area was floored with what they had just witnessed, but for different reasons. Tsunade had look of pure disbelief, as if she had just heard that her perverted teammate Jiraiya admit that he was actually gay. Choji was slack-jawed, his bag of chips laying on the ground forgotten. Shikamaru just looked bored. Kiba started to laugh awkwardly before it transformed into flown blown laughter. Sakura and Ino, on the other hand, were horrified at what had happened to their beloved Sasuke-kun. The pained groans coming from the boy on the ground only added fuel to their growing anger.

"Naruto-baka, how dare you do that to Sasuke-kun!!!" screeched Ino.

Sakura soon followed suit of her rival. "Naruto, I'll never forgive for this!!!" she said. After sharing a quick glance with Ino, the two girls charged at the boy from both sides, intending on making Naruto suffer for his heinous felony. Just as their fists were about to make contact with their target, Naruto clutched his head in a pained scream before falling into a crumbled heap on the ground. Unfortunately for the two Uchiha fan girls there was no time to stop their attacks, as their fists collided into each other's faces, much like the outcome of their preliminary match during the first chunin exams. The force from the attack was strong enough to cause the two to come crashing down to the ground hard with a huge bruise on their cheeks.

This chain of events only served to make Kiba laugh even harder. Hinata, on the other hand, was worried about the whisker-marked blonde that was cringing in some sort of fetal position.

"N-Naruto-kun!" cried Hinata, as she rushed to her crush's side, and cradled his head in her lap. But she didn't even have a chance to ask him what was wrong, as a worried Tsunade appeared beside her so that she could run a diagnostic jutsu to see what was the source of Naruto's ailment. A few seconds later, Tsunade cut off the flow of chakra from her hand once she realized that the boy's injury wasn't life-threatening.

"It's alright, Hinata, Naruto is going to be alright. He just has a severe headache for some reason." reassured the Hokage.

"Hey, forget about him! Look what that dead last did to Sasuke-kun!" screeched Ino, as she pointed towards Sasuke, who was still twitching from the recent sneak attack on his "family jewels".

"I fail to see what is the source of your anger, Ino-san." said Shino. "Despite Naruto's choice of action, he _did _manage to bring Sasuke-san back to his senses before he caused anymore damage to the surrounding area and citizens."

"Shut up!!! No one asked for your opinion, bug boy!!!" shouted Sakura.

"That's enough!!!" shouted Tsunade in a firm tone, instantly silencing the two Uchiha fan girls. Not a moment later, Inoichi and Gin rushed out of the hospital's front entrance. They too were surprised and confused as to what had happened.

"Lady Hokage," started Inoichi, "I…"

"There's no need to worry about Sasuke's condition, Inoichi. Naruto has already taken care of it." said the Hokage, as she hoisted Naruto up, while Shizune did the same with Sasuke.

"Naruto? What exactly…"

"I'll explain everything later. But right now, these two need be admitted for medical attention. Thank you for your assistance, you and your clansman are free to go." After giving a respectful bow, the Yamanaka men left via a shunshin. Tsunade then turned to the remaining shinobi that were around the area. "Alright, the show's over, you can all go back…except for _you two._" she said while shooting a hard glare towards Sakura and Ino. "I'd like to have a talk with you two once I get Naruto and Sasuke taken care of."

**1**

_Much Later _

To say that fateful day was somewhat unusual would have been the biggest understatement in Konoha history. But the overall outcome of the day's end was different for each person. After Naruto had recovered from his headache, Tsunade demanded that he tell her how he had figured out how to bring Sasuke back to normal.

Naruto then proceeded to tell her how he had ran to the library and used multiple shadow clones in order to research a treatment for Sasuke after the Bizz hotline turned out to be useless. It was in an old forgotten enclosed that he had discovered that cases of hyperactivity were once cured by a strong shock; this could have ranged from a hard strike to the body to a stab wound inflicted by a knife. Knowing that the village and the council would've given him hell if he even thought about stabbing the "precious" Uchiha, he decided that the first option was going to be his safest option. Getting the toilet paper to distract Sasuke long enough was the easy part. After he realized that the procedure worked, he had dispelled his clones that were left in the library to look for a "Plan B", just in case. But what confused the blonde was why the extremely painful headache occurred when he dispelled them. When Tsunade explained to him the basic fundamentals of the Shadow Clone Jutsu, and how the user was able to regain the knowledge that his shadow clones obtained, as well as the risks that were involved, Naruto was ecstatic. Now he had a new training technique that could help become stronger dramatically. Add in the fact that he got to kick his rival in the crotch, and that the Hokage added a bonus to his mission payment for stopping Cornholio, the day ended pretty well for the jinchuriki.

Sakura and Ino, on the other hand, weren't so happy as the day ended. Both were subjected to a stern lecture from the Hokage about how she was disappointed at how they had let their feelings for a boy make complete asses out of themselves and gave kunoichi everywhere a bad name. Luckily for Ino, it wasn't as severe for her as it was for Sakura. Since the pink haired girl had previously abandoned Naruto when the entire predicament began, she was sentenced to work as an employee at Kuzo's Burgers for a week.

As for Sasuke, well, lets just say that this was one of the worst days that an Uchiha could have ever experienced. He didn't even know what had happened. One minute he was in that new restaurant, the next he was getting kicked in the balls by the dobe. It only made things worse when he saw himself on the security tape from Kuzo's when the Hokage requested it for documentation purposes. To make matters worse, there had been several complaints against him; mainly from the old lady that Cornholio had attacked as well as the citizens that were disturbed by his behavior. The old lady had even formed a gang of elderly women and tried to beat the lone Uchiha up, though this highly ineffective on their part since Sasuke could easily outrun them. Nonetheless, Sasuke had perform two weeks of community service.

To make matters worse, the news of Sasuke's alter ego soon spread all throughout the village. Everywhere that Sasuke went, there would be people snickering at him behind his back, drinking Bizz energy drinks in front of him, as well as asking him if he needed TP. It only became worse when he encountered other ninjas, and Kakashi Sensei himself, as they thought it was hilarious how the last loyal Uchiha couldn't handle a simple energy drink. But if there was one thing that Sasuke knew, it was that he never wanted to see another can of Bizz again in his life.

**END!**

**Thus ends Story 1 of **_**Ninja Tales From Another Dimension!.**_** I had originally wanted to post this up on October 10th****, for Naruto's birthday, but college classes kind of take priority. So I hope that you all enjoy this special treat. Just to make sure that I've made this point across, I DO NOT own Beavis and Butthead, Cornholio, or Naruto; they belong to their respective owners/creators. Happy Halloween, everyone!!!**


	2. Tale 2

**Ninja Tales from Another Dimension! **

**Hey guys!!! Here are just some side stories that I just thought up for ****Naruto****. I've tried working them in with my current stories, but they just don't seem to fit. So, without further ado, here's the second one. Warning: this update contains strong language; those who do not like swear words should leave now. I own nothing. **

**Story 2: The Results of the Fire Daimyo's Decision **

As the Fire Daimyo and his personal guard traveled in his private chariot, back to his home in the Land of Fire's capital city, he was preparing for the conference that was to be held in regards to his decrees that were made in the what was once Konohagakure. He was shocked to see at first hand how much damage the Akatsuki "leader" known as Pain could do by himself, let alone be able to control six different bodies at once. He was even more shocked to learn how one lone ninja, the Kyubi's jinchuriki named Naruto Uzumaki, had single-handedly defeated the god-like Pain. But that wasn't the reason why he made the trek to the ruined village. During Pain's attack, The Fifth Hokage was forced to use a powerful medical ninjutsu on all of the ninja that were on the battlefield and was rendered comatose, with the doctors having no idea of when she would wake up. The villagers needed a new Hokage if Konoha were to be rebuilt and to make sure that a catastrophe like this were to never happen again.

Just moments after the defeat of Pain, An emergency meeting was held in order to discuss the restoration plans for the village, as well as determine who should be the acting Hokage while Tsunade was indisposed. Shikaku Nara, head of the Nara shinobi clan, had nominated Kakashi Hatake as a possibly candidate for the acting Sixth Hokage. His advisors, at first, thought that that was a grand idea considering that Hatake was a student of the late Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze. That, and considering his reputation as an ANBU captain, and as the infamous "Kakashi of the Sharingan", he would be more than capable of defending the village.

He was about to follow through with the advisor's recommendation, when a Konoha elder named Danzo brought up the point that Kakashi believed in the Third Hokage's teachings, and that said teachings had resulted in Orochimaru going rogue, the Sand and Sound invasion, the formation of Akatsuki, and Sasuke Uchiha being able to defect from Konoha. At the same time, the elder declared that he would was the only logical choice for the position, as he would make Konoha the powerful village that it should be. That little outburst was enough for his other advisor to quickly recommend Danzo as a more suitable leader than Kakashi, and that was more than enough incentive for him to grant the one-armed elder the honor. Shikaku had tried to persuade him and his advisors not to buy into Danzo's "fascism" and his "zealous quest for power", but he had already made his decision Besides, who did that ninja think he was believing that he could tell the Daimyo of The Land of Fire what to do.

The daimyo was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that he was already back at the capital until one of his advisors had alerted him. Seeing for himself that his trip was finally over, the elderly leader made his way to the main conference room for a press meeting, with his personal body guards and advisors following him.

**22**

_Conference Room _

The room was filled with citizens (high, middle, and lower class),fellow politicians, and reporters of all kind,; all of them were sitting in the large conference room, waiting with anxiousness. All of them had heard some sort of rumor that Konoha had suffered a devastating attack; an attack far more worse than with the Nine Tailed Fox Demon.

'_If only they knew what happened.' _thought the Fire Daimyo. As he approached the podium that was set up on the stage and cleared his throat, the murmuring immediately stopped and everyone turned their attention to their ruler.

"My fellow citizens, I have come with grave news. The village of Konohagakure has been completely destroyed by the Akatsuki leader known as Pain…" That was as far as he could say before the audience broke out with shouts of shock and worry. If such man with the power to destroy an entire village by himself was up and about, then no one would be safe from him. The daimyo just allowed them to absorb the news for a while before he proceeded.

"Yes, yes, I too was shocked to hear about the fate of our beloved Konohagakure. But have no fear, Pain is no longer a threat to this world. He has been single-handedly defeated by the Konoha ninja named Naruto Uzumaki." This, once again, cause the audience to break into murmurs, only this time the gathered people were astonished and extremely impressed with the young man's heroics.

The Daimyo waited for the crowd to become quiet again. "Unfortunately, as a result of the battle, several of members of the Konoha Shinobi Corps. are in need of recuperation, including the Fifth Hokage. She is currently in a coma that was brought on by severe chakra exhaustion after she risked her life in order to reduce the number of deaths from Pain's ultimate attack. Luckily, an acting Sixth Hokage has been selected and is now overseeing the restoration of Konoha. And to ensure that…"

"Wait a minute, my lord," said a male reporter. "you never told us who you selected as temporary Hokage for Konoha."

"Hm? Oh, yes, of course. After going over the possible candidates, I have decided to make former Foundation leader Danzo the acting Hokage."

This caused the audience to become deathly silent. But the Daimyo paid no attention to this reaction, as he was glad that he wasn't interrupted again. "And I have full confidence that Danzo will…"

"_ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?" _a man wearing glasses and a neck brace from the front of the room shouted. _"WHAT THE FUCK!?" _

These outbursts were _not _what the Daimyo had expected to hear. Throughout his term, he learned how to steel himself against the outrageous "exaggerations" that his critics would use. But he had never expected such vulgar exclamations to be directed at him.

"Now…now see here," said the Daimyo, "……I"

"_I THROW MY SHOES AT YOUR FAGGOT ASS!!!!!" _Instantly the man grabbed one of his shoes and chucked it at the Daimyo with a loud "SHIT!". Survival instincts taking over, the elderly man just barely ducked out of the way of the footwear projectile. But the Daimyo didn't have time to recover from the shock, as he saw the attacker's other shoe flying towards him. As he ducked the second projectile he heard the man shout out "PISS!" at that fact that he missed his target.

Two of the Fire Daimyo's guards reacted instantly, tackling the shoe thrower before he could renew his assault on their master. The crowd immediately became a chaotic mass with several people wanting to get a closer look at the scuffle that was going on. And as the remaining three bodyguards quickly escorted the ruler of the Land of Fire, the elderly ruler heard the delinquent cursing at him as he was being dragged away to the police station.

"DOWHOA, SHIT!!! DAMN IT!!! YOU ASSHOLE!!! YOU CAN'T DO _SHIT_ WITHOUT YOUR BALLS!!!"

**22 **

_Interrogation Room, Police Headquarters _

"Look pal, here's the deal." said the exasperated police officer. He was currently cursing luck for the umpteenth time for being in charge of this operation. All you need to do is sign this form, and you'll be home free." finished the officer, as he moved a form and pen forward."

"What the hell is that, and why do I have to sign it?" asked the detained man, who was later identified as Ryu.

"It's a written apology to the Fire Daimyo." replied the officer.

"You mean Lord Cluster Fuck?"

"I-I-I beg your pardon!?"

"This letter, is it to Lord Cluster Fuck?"

"It is for the Fire Daimyo, apologizing for your assault, you moron!!! Show some respect!!!!"

"Fuck him!!! He's a dumbass!!! And I ani't signing no apology or anything, especially to that asshole! In fact, I'd like to meet the mother fucker who thought that it would be a great idea to make that dickhead Fire Daimyo, and shove a broom up his ass!!!" declared Ryu, as he pushed the prepared apology back towards the officer.

"Is that your final answer?" asked the guard.

"You bet it is." said Ryu.

The officer just sighed. "Well, then I'm afraid that you will have to be incarcerated for two months."

"WHAT!?"

"What did you expect? You threw your shoes at the Fire Daimyo**. **What, you didn't think that there would be any consequences? He sent us an order to have you imprisoned for two months unless you sign that written apology." said the officer.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!" shouted Ryu.

"Hey, I'm just doing my job, so don't start cussing at me. I may not like what I'm ordered to do, but I still have to obey my superior officers." said the policeman. "Now, are you going to allow me to peacefully escort you to your cell, or are you going to require me to take more _drastic _measures?"

After an intense moment of silence, Ryu spoke. "Fine, I'll go quietly. But can I at least get my one phone call? You guys _do _allow prisoners one phone call, right?"

The officer just mentally sighed in relief, knowing that things weren't going to be anymore hectic as they already were.

"Yes. After we get you to your cell, you are allowed _one _phone call." said the officer, thinking that Ryu wanted to call his attorney. And the poor sap was going to need a good one considering his position, even though the officer wasn't a big fan of their current Daimyo's policies.

**22 **

_Inside the Capitol's High Council Chambers _

"I told you making Danzo acting Hokage was a horrible idea!" shouted one of the Daimyo's advisors. The emergency meeting was immediately called forth after the shoe debacle occurred and the Fire Daimyo was ushered away from the conference.

"It's been just nineteen hours since you made the decision, and already there's this radical protest against you and your policies, my lord! Not even last year's tax increase on resources garnered such a negative reaction as this!"

"Hogwash, Han!" shouted another advisor, who incidentally was the one who convinced the Daimyo to select Danzo over Kakashi. "It was thanks to Tsunade, a student of the Third Hokage, that Konoha was completely destroyed. It was time for someone with new ideals to lead our ninja village."

"Have you forgot that it was Pain, the frickin' _**LEADER **_of the Akatsuki that attacked Konoha!? The same person who single-handedly defeated Hanzo of the Salamander, and then _**slaughtered **_his entire family!? No leader has the best defense against someone like that! In fact, if it weren't for Tsunade's sacrifice, hundreds, if not thousands of ninjas would have been killed before Uzumaki arrived!"

"Nonetheless, _Tsunade _was the leader when the attack occurred, which resulted in Konoha's total destruction. No matter who is attacking, a truly _competent _leader wouldn't have allowed their entire village be destroyed. Hopefully, with our new Sixth now in charge, Konoha will become even stronger than before."

"You stupid fu…"

"ENOUGH!" bellowed the Fire Daimyo, causing his two chief advisors to immediately stop their fighting, and turn their attention to their employer. "This bickering is unbefitting for men of your stature!"

He then turned his attention to Han. "My decision on making Danzo the sixth Hokage stands, Han. It was clear that Hiruzen's ways of running things had a habit of backfiring on themselves. He allowed Orochimaru to escape, which led to the Oto-Suna invasion. And then Tsunade, his successor, allowed Sasuke Uchiha to defect without labeling him a missing-nin; now he's part of the Akatsuki. Kakashi would only be just bad, if not even worse, since he is connected to Hiruzen through Minato Namikaze and Jiraiya."

"But my lord," began Han, "have you forgotten that Konoha had prospered when Hiruzen was in power? Or that the village's medical corps was vastly improved when Tsunade took the title?"

"Yes, yes, that's all very well and all." replied the Daimyo. "But because of their hesitance in eliminating potentially dangerous people, they have actually done more harm than good. In fact, according to Danzo and the Konoha Elders, Jiraiya himself had provided training to Pain when he was still a child when he could have killed him on the spot."

"And that's another thing. Don't you think that it was a bit odd that Danzo had such detailed data about Pain and how he had turned to darkness, even though he was supposedly stationed _inside_ Konoha when the event occurred? And as for Koharu and Homura, do you not find it strange that they constantly fought against the Third and Fifth Hokages when they were in power while strongly supporting whatever policy Danzo proposed!? Clearly there is something off about that Danzo character, and the fact that you made him acting Hokage so quickly will only make things worse for the village and yourself."

"Oh please, is that the best you can do? Pay no attention to Han, my lord. It's as clear as day that he's just upset that you didn't appoint his first choice to be Hokage."

"Alright, listen here Shin, you fucking piece of…."

"I SAID ENOUGH!!!!" shouted the Fire Daimyo. "I said that my decision stands! I will not have anymore of your pointless complaining about how you didn't get your way in _my _courtroom, advisor Han!"

Shin just sneered at Han. Han, however, just got up from his seat and made his way to the door.

"Han, just where do you think you're going? This meeting is not over yet!" said the Daimyo.

"Well, it is for me!" shouted Han, as he turned to face the Fire Daimyo with a look of disgust and anger on his face. "I originally agreed to be your advisor because I believed that you were different. Instead of the our past corrupt daimyos that only wanted "yes-men" advisors to agree to whatever horrendous law they created, I thought you truly wanted to change your country and world for the better. But it looks like I was wrong on both counts; you are even worse than any corrupt daimyo! You, _my lord, _are nothing more but a spineless, arrogant, withered old fart that needs his advisors to make all of the hard decisions for him!!! And I'll be _damned _if I associate myself with you, and your court any longer!!!"

And with that Han spat on the floor, before he stormed out of the room's door while roughly shoving aside a secretary that was holding a telephone.

"Pardon me, my lord," said the young woman as she gave a respectful bow, "but there is a phone call for you and the advisors. It's from the Central Police Station."

"Ah, it appears that the scoundrel that attacked you earlier has now seen the error in his ways, my lord. His guilt must be so severe that he must have wanted to call us in person." said Shin, trying to gain more favor from the Fire Daimyo after Han's earlier rebellious display. Now that Han was gone, he'd be a fool not to take advantage of the situation.

"My lord," continued Shin, "why don't we put the offender on speaker, so that we all may hear his apology?"

"Hm…Yes, an excellent suggestion, Shin. Ms. Mutsu, if you would please put the phone on speaker?" asked the aged leader. Ms. Mutsu did as she was asked.

"Hello, this is the Fire Daimyo speaking…I believe you having to say to me?" said The Fire Daimyo. However, the response he got was not the one he wanted or expected.

"**YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!! PIIIIISSSSS!!!!! GO COUNT YOUR DICKS!!!!!_"_** The sound of a phone receiver being roughly hung up was the only other sound that was heard before silence overcame the entire room. Shin was the first person to break the silence.

"No need to worry, my lord. I'm sure that he'll realize his mistake, and beg for your forgiveness. And soon, this whole debacle will all be forgotten."

**22 **

_Several Days Later _

Things only got worse for the Fire Daimyo in regards with his decision. Ryu's act only sparked more protest groups that assembled outside the daimyo's house and the capitol building. The man couldn't go anywhere in the town without his bodyguards, since several people began to throw things such as tomatoes, eggs, and garbage. But even with the bodyguards, the Daimyo couldn't protect himself from the insulting names that the people called him ranging from "dickhead" to "senile old fart".

His wife, Shijimi, wasn't spared from the wrath of the protesters either. One day, she had tearfully told him how all of the cashiers at the mall were giving her dirty looks when she was out shopping, and how patrons of her favorite restaurant had called her a "bitch" and a "fat ass" while she was having lunch. Not even her pet cat, Tora, was spared; as children everywhere started a game of who could throw the most water balloons at the animal.

Despite all of this, the Fire Daimyo stuck to his decision as if his life depended on it. He still believed that things in Konoha, and then The Land of Fire, would smooth out eventually, and then his life would go back to normal.

_Several More Days Later _

"…What have I done?" was the question that the aged Fire Daimyo asked. In his hands were the reports from the Kages of the other Elemental Nations. According to General Mifune of The Land of Iron, who was hosting the Kage Summit that took place after Pain's attack, Danzo had purposely tried to manipulate him into giving the warmonger more power through the use of a mind-manipulating power that came from a Sharingan eye that he stole from Shushi Uchiha. When both the Akatsuki and Sasuke Uchiha attacked the Summit, Danzo and his entourage escaped, although they were followed as well by Kirigakure nin Ao. The Fifth Mizukage also reported that during the pursuit, Danzo ordered one of his men to steal Ao's salvaged Byakugan, the very kekkei genkai that exposed Danzo's criminal plot in the first place. If it hadn't been for the Mizukage's timely intervention, Danzo would've gained another stolen dojutsu kekkei genkai.

Once the news had hit Konoha, the villagers and jonin were outraged and decided to take immediate action. The jonin immediately selected Kakashi Hatake as the Sixth Hokage. When Danzo arrived back to Konoha after failing both of his attempts of stealing power, he was met with the entire population, both ninja and civilian, roaring for his blood. Even with his Foundation members, he didn't stand much of a chance. For his first act as Hokage, Kakashi had Danzo and all of his Foundation members executed on the grounds for trying to usurp power in the Five Great Nations Alliance and for nearly causing Konoha to become the target of attack from the four other major Elemental Nations. It was after Danzo's execution that it was revealed that he had a genetically-altered right arm that contained ten implanted Sharingan eyes, _as well as _cells that belonged to Hashirama Senju which allowed him to perform limited Wood Style ninjutsu. This type of horrendous genetic modification was striking similar to some of Orochimaru's experiments that were discovered by the Leaf, which led to the conclusion that Danzo had contacts with Orochimaru after his defection all along.

But it only got worse for the Fire Daimyo from then on. The daimyos from other countries were disgusted with his apparent lack of tact when he selected Danzo as the standing Hokage and had lost many of their respect. Several people in both Konoha and in the Land of Fire were calling for him to be replaced with someone of a more sound mind, which was very likely to happen if his rapidly declining approval ratings were any indication. Ryu was now considered a hero amongst the civilians in the Land of fire, after he had served his sentence. All of his once good friends were now ashamed to be associated with him. He was practically up a creek without a paddle.

"How could have everything gone so wrong?" asked the Fire Daimyo to no one in particular

**END **

**22 **

**So there you have it, the second installment. In case any of you were wondering, "Ryu" was my way of paying tribute to Tourettes Guy. This story served mainly as a way for me to vent my frustrations at the Fire Daimyo in **_**NARUTO. **_**I mean, come on! Selecting Danzo as the Sixth Hokage? I have only three words that can sum up that decision: WHAT. THE. FUCK!? And what's worse, was how easily the old man was convinced in letting that bastard become Hokage by a completely false rant from Danzo, and a vote of approval for Danzo from one of his advisors!!! Now, if the advisor had fallen prey to Danzo's Mind-Control technique, then I would've given the daimyo a **_**little **_**bit more leeway. But I seriously doubt it, since Danzo said that he could only use it once, and did it during the Kage Summit. Let it be noted that my use of the Tourettes Guy quotes was not because I thought it was fun to laugh at the man's condition, I just thought they sounded funny and should be directed to the Fire Daimyo. Sorry if this is a bit late. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!**


	3. Tale 3

**Ninja Tales from Another Dimension! **

**Story 3: A New Breed of Toad **

"Alright Naruto, you better have a good reason for this meeting. I have stacks of paperwork that needs to be done." said an irritable Tsunade, as she sat behind her desk. Before her was none other than Konoha's Maverick Ninja, Naruto Uzumaki.

"Well maybe if you spent as much time working as you do drinking, then you wouldn't have this much trouble, hime." added the third occupant of the Hokage's office, Jiraiya the Gama Sanin.

"Shut it, you perverted baka!" snapped Tsunade. "I'm not in the mood to deal with your shenanigans!" She then focused her agitated glare towards Naruto. "Well, get on with it!"

"Uh…right." said Naruto, momentarily taken back at how irritable the Hokage was. "Well, I was wondering if you could help me with something that deals with the Summoning Jutsu, since you two are the only shinobi that have signed a summoning contract." He waited for while for the two sanin to digest what he had said.

"Go on…" said Tsunade, curious to see what the younger blonde was going with all of this.

"Well, I was wondering…is there any chance that other animals could join a summoning clan. Like for an example, could a toad possibly be added to Gamabunta's contract?"

This caught the two adults by surprise, as they didn't expect the thirteen-year-old to ask such a serious question. Sure, they were fond of the young man, but he just didn't seem like the type to ask in-depth questions about advanced ninjutsu. Jiraiya decided to answer, since he was the current keeper of the toad summoning contract.

"Well, that depends on the creature in question. For the toads, there have been some cases in which toads that weren't native to Mount Myoboku were able to join. But, they were mostly just regular toads that you would find anywhere around the world. Those were merely trained to be messengers. The very few that showed any potential were trained in the arts of ninjutsu." said the Toad Sage, before smirking at his fellow toad summoner. "What's with these types of questions? Trying to get a toad you found to join the Gamabunta's clan?"

"Well, yeah…" said Naruto sheepishly.

Jiraiya's face instantly took on a serious expression. "You're serious?" he deadpanned.

"Yeah, I am. I found this toad when I was exploring a forested area near one of the training grounds when I was six. From the moment I laid eyes on it, I had the feeling that it wasn't like any ordinary toad."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I mean, I thought he was the biggest toad I had ever seen. That is, until I signed the Toad contract, and met Gamabunta."

"Well, do you know where it is, or is it somewhere in the thousands of miles of forests that's around this village?" asked Tsunade. She didn't want to go on a wild goose chase to find just one toad.

"Actually, he's waiting outside your office, Granny. I asked the secretary if she could watch over him, in case I found out that there was no way he could join the toad clan. If you want, I can show him to you." said Naruto.

Tsunade just sighed. "Fine, let's see this amazing toad that you're blabbering about. Anything to get me out of doing this paperwork."

With that Naruto, headed towards the door, opened it, and walked out to the waiting room. Even though they couldn't see him, they could still hear him trying to coax someone or _something _to move. "Alright, come on, big guy. Come on, let's go. Come on, Granny Tsunade and Pervy Sage want to meet you. Come on, let's go, _let's_ go. Yeah, that's it, that's a good boy. Come on."

A moment later, Naruto walked back inside the office leading a large, collared toad by a leash. The toad was about the same size as Gama, except it had light tan skin, with a few muddy brown splotches, and a beige underbelly. It eyes were of an odd coloration: dirty yellow sclera with a horizontal black bar pupil that was surrounded by a red and yellow circle.

Jiraiya and Tsunade just stared at the animal in disbelief. Neither of them had seen such toad before. Jiraiya, however, was skeptical.

"Alright, gaki, the joke's over. You can undo the henge and dispel the shadow clone." he said.

Naruto remained serious. "I'm not playing around, Pervy Sage. This toad is the real deal. If you don't believe me, then try and nullify the henge."

Deciding to at least humor the boy, Jiraiya brought his hands up in a seal and brought forth a burst of chakra strong enough to break a normal henge. Yet when he saw that the toad didn't turn back into a clone, he channeled even more chakra. But, the toad still remained as a toad. Not one for giving up so easily, Jiraiya was about channel enough chakra to break through high B to mid A class genjutsu, when,

"Alright, enough Jiraiya! The toad is real, so stop trying to break a genjutsu that isn't there!" snarled Tsunade. She did _**not **_Naruto to see her true appearance; the brat would never give her a moment's peace without making a joke about her age. She then turned her attention back to the toad. "I find it hard to believe that a toad this size has been dwelling in Konoha all this time. Why exactly do you want to have this toad join the toad summons clan?"

"Because, he's getting too big to stay in the village. People are going to start to notice a large toad living here. And I can't keep him in my apartment since it wasn't made to house big animals. I've known this toad throughout my entire childhood, and I don't want him to be accidentally killed by some stupid villager thinking that he's some sort of monster." explained Naruto.

Tsunade's gaze slightly softened at that bit of information. It reminded her of whenever Nawaki would bring home injured birds for her to heal, saying that he couldn't just ignore an animal in pain. If Shizune were here, she would have probably squealed at how cute it was for Naruto to show so much care for an animal. Jiraiya was somewhat interested in the fact that his student seemed to have developed a bond with toads before he even signed the contract. He wanted to help out the kid, but the toads of Mount Myoboku were very picky as to who were even worthy of stepping foot into their home.

"Exactly what can this toad do? Does it have any unique skills?" asked Jiraiya.

But before Naruto could answer them, the door to Tsuande's office opened abruptly, revealing Homura and Koharu, Konoha's Council and advisors to the Hokage. And going by their expressions, they were highly annoyed.

"This had better be damned well important, elders. I'm currently in a meeting." growled Tsunade. The two elders were getting a bit too daring with their positions and were actually trying to actually _order _her about.

"Tsunade, we had gotten reports about genin bringing wild animals into this building." said Homura. "Your secretary seemed especially distressed saying…that…she…saw…"

At that moment, the two elders became aware that the animal in question was in the same room as them. The room became deathly silent as each occupant was staring at something. The toad was staring at the elders, and the elders were staring at the toad. Everyone else were staring at the two senior citizens and animal, waiting for some sort of reaction to occur with morbid fascination.

It was Koharu that broke the awkward silence, as she noticed the leash Naruto was holding, which was attached to the collar that was on the toad. "I should have known that _you _were behind this, Uzumaki." she sneered. "Even though you now wear the headband of a Konoha-nin, you _still _resort to these childish attempts of gaining attention! Perhaps it was a mistake to allow you to-"

Whatever she was about say next died in her throat as her gaze was suddenly locked onto the toad's eyes. The pupils were somehow oscillating and were flashing like a faulty light bulb. For some odd reason, she heard something that sounded like an angry machine. She tried to look away from the toad, but she felt as if her free will was slowly deteriorating. She also heard something giving her commands that she would never do out of her own volition, but at the same time couldn't help but agree to follow them. Unknown to Koharu, Homura was in a similar predicament that she was going through.

The younger shinobi (well, younger than the elders) watched on as the two elders seemed to stare into space, before they slowly walked backwards out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"Okay, what the hell just happened? And where did that noise come from?" questioned Tsunade. Although she was grateful that those two left, she was a bit uneasy in the way that they left. Especially, with that strange sound that she had heard.

Naruto and the toad turned back to face the two sanin, the former looking a bit sheepish. "Well, that was his special ability. This toad is practically a master of hypnosis."

"Hypnosis? Really, Naruto? Do you expect us to believe that?" said Jiraiya, disbelievingly.

"I'm not joking around, Pervy Sage." explained Naruto. "I've seen this toad stare down predators twice the size of him, and they've always left him alone without so much as a fight. And, as you just saw, his powers also work extremely well with humans. That is why I wanted to know if new toads can join the summoning clan, so that no one else can hunt him down and take advantage of him."

"That's a very interesting story, brat. But those were just two elderly retired shinobi that your toad friend sent away. I really doubt that such parlor tricks will work on a seasoned shinobi such as my-"

Suddenly, the angry mechanical noise filled the room, again. Knowing that his amphibious friend was working his "magic", Naruto didn't bother to see if its eyes were oscillating or not. Instead, he looked to see both Tsunade and Jiraiya were gazing at the toad, their eyes dilated and unmoving.

"All glory to the Hypnotoad…" they said in unison, their voice showing no emotion. Without warning, Tsunade bent down to retrieve something from her desk. When she came back up she had several jugs of sake in her hands. She then proceeded to walk over to the window, open it, and then started to pour out her sake, one jug at a time. While this was going on, Jiraiya was pulling out all of his notepads containing "research" for his newest edition of Icha-Icha, as well as several pornographic magazines and placed them all in a pile on the floor. Next, he lit a match, and threw onto the pile, instantly lighting it aflame. As Naruto watched the two sanin get rid of the things that they were addicted to, he couldn't help but find the entire situation funny, and decided to wait it out until the moment was right.

"Alright, I think you've proven your point." Naruto said to the toad. The toad made no audible confirmation that it heard Naruto, but stopped the oscillation of its eyes none the less. Unfortunately for the two victims, the toad had released them from its control a little too late.

"Hey, what's that burning sme…ARGH! NO! My precious research material!" wailed Jiraiya, as quickly stomped on the burning pile of smut, desperate to try and salvage some of the material. But it was too late for the perverted sage, as most of the material was burnt black.

"Heh heh, serves you right you perverted old…ACK! NO, NO, NO! That was my favorite year! Wha, what the hell have I done?" shrieked Tsunade, as the last of the sake poured out of the jug that she had turned upside down outside of the window. Panic setting in, Tsunade checked all of the bottles to see if there was anything that she could salvage from her sake stash. She checked each of her jugs, looking for any signs of her beloved drink remaining in them. But to her dismay, all of them were bone dry.

Seeing how two of the most revered shinobi were acting so childish, Naruto couldn't help burst into laughter. The laughter didn't last long, as he suddenly felt the smoldering glares of the two adults upon him.

"Alright, gaki. Tell me what the hell you did to us, and I may let you live with half of your bones intact." growled Tsunade. She was extremely protective of her sake stash, as it was her way to soothe her nerves whenever the stress of being a Kage got to her. So, anyone foolish enough to do something to jeopardize it were instant enemies in the woman's eyes. Jiraiya wasn't in a peachy mood, either. His notebooks had contained several explicit notes that would have provided him with excellent inspiration for his upcoming book. Plus, some of those magazines were autographed by some exceptionally alluring models.

"Hey, now! I didn't do anything! The two of you should know by now that I have no talent in casting genjutsu. It was thanks to my good friend, Hypnotoad." said Naruto, giving the toad a few pats on the head. The toad gave a quick low croak, as if to confirm that it was the cause for their erratic behavior. The two legendary shinobi just stared at the collar wearing toad, then at Jiraiya's pile of ashes, then at Tsunade's empty sake jugs, before staring back at the toad.

Suddenly, the door opened and Shizune raced in, looking extremely stressed out and frazzled. "Lady Tsunade, we have an emergen-what is that?" she exclaimed when she realized that her mentor was in a meeting with Naruto, and saw what was on the end of the leash the blonde boy was holding.

"It's a toad, Shizune-neechan." said Naruto, as if he were trying to explain things to a preschooler.

B-but, it's the size of a large dog!" exclaimed Shizune.

"What's this about an emergency, Shizune? We're sort of in he middle of something important." said Tsunade, as she gestured to Naruto and the toad.

"It's the Konoha Council, Lady Tsunade! Councilors Koharu and Homura have been arrested!" exclaimed Shizune.

"What?" exclaimed Tsunade. "On what grounds?"

"Public indecency, disturbing the peace, and resisting arrest!"

"Huh, they criticize me about my behavior, and then these hypocrites pull this shit soon after." muttered Naruto.

"This is serious, Naruto!" chided Shizune. "The elders were found in two separate areas in central shopping area. Homura was found in the center of a street, imitating a chicken! Koharu was found on top of shop's roof, preparing to jump off as if she was trying to fly like a bird! When the shinobi tried to bring them in, they started stripping their clothes off and throwing them at the shinobi as a diversion while they tried to escape! But when they were finally caught, they started thrashing about like wild animals before they finally came to their senses."

"Is that so?" said Tsunade with an even tone, while she was laughing hysterically on the inside. She was also thinking of ways she could exploit this new development to the fullest. Jiraiya and Naruto, on the other hand, were trying their hardest not to laugh. Jiraiya was holding up better than Naruto. But not by much, as a few snickers managed to escape from him.

"Yes, Lady Tsunade! This is a major political emergency! The clan heads are going to be wanting explanations as to why the two elders were dragged away, clad in their underwear, all the while acting like enraged birds! And when they finally started behaving normally, they started shouting about some hypnotic frog taking control of them!" continued Shizune.

Naruto's snickering only got stronger. It was just too funny to hear that the councilors, two of the most "esteemed" politicians in the village, were arrested for acting like drunken idiots. Unfortunately, his forget to make sure his laughter was under control, as Shizune soon glared at him.

"Naruto, are you laughing?" snapped the medic nin. At that point, the young genin couldn't hold it back any longer, and burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Annoyed at the boy's attitude, she turned her sights back to her mentor. "Lady Tsunade, something must be done about this!" said Shizune, her tone expressing how anxious she was.

"I couldn't agree more, Shizune." said Tsunade. She then turned to Jiraiya. "How soon can you convince the toads to accept another member?"

Jiraiya just smirked. "Oh, I doubt that it'll take much convincing on my part. This is _exactly_ what they've been looking for. It's about time that some new blood was added to liven thing up a bit. And who knows, this new edition might save us in a tight situation." replied Jiraiya, already thinking of ways for the toad to help in his...research.

"Yatta!" exclaimed Naruto, as he hugged the toad. "Didya hear that boy? You're gonna join the Toad Summons!" The toad just croaked once again.

"Nani?" was all that Shizune could say. She really hated being left out of the loop.

**END **

**333**

**ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD! Will this be the last time we see or here of the Hypnotoad? We'll have to see! I'm not sure if this was done or not, but I figured I might as well give it a shot. Hypnotoad belongs to Futurama, and Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. If you think otherwise, then…well, I think the message should be pretty clear.**


	4. Tale 4

**Ninja Tales from Another Dimension! **

**Hey guys! Here is another side story that I just thought up for ****Naruto****. I've tried working it in with my current stories, but it just don't seem to fit. After reading the latest additions to the **_**NARUTO **_**manga, the more and more I began to feel like a few kekkei genkai **CoughsharinganCough** and certain ninjutsu are WAY too powerful. Basically they're like god-like "Cheat Codes/Hax" that gamers use to gain an unfair advantage over other gamers. So, after browsing YouTube for a while, I think that I've found a possible solution. **

**Story 4: A Solution to Overpowered Kekkei Genkai and Ninjutsu **

It was a normal afternoon in Konoha. Squad 7 was meeting up with Squad 10 at the former's training grounds for some group training. This was something that wasn't done regularly amongst genin teams, since their instructors preferred to teach their own charges without any interference. But on the other hand, it was good for the genin to meet and train with their fellow comrades, in order to build trust amongst each other. Unfortunately, the meeting between these two particular teams wasn't going to be as enjoyable as the sessions normally were. This could be explained by two reasons. Reason number one was that the kunoichi from Squad 7 and Squad 10had a heated rivalry, and were always shouting taunting/insulting each other. While this was normal for rivals, they tended to get carried away and forget about their training, opting to focus on beating each other at anything that could be made into a competition. Reason number two was because the catalyst for their arguments was going to be there as well. No matter what tactic the jonin tried, the two fan girls would not hear a word against their love interest.

Currently, Squad 10 was waiting at the training grounds, when they saw Squad 7 approaching them. Instantly, Ino leapt to her feet, and raced over towards them.

"Hiya, Sasuke-kun! Did you miss me, honey?" she cooed as she glomped onto Sasuke's back.

"Get off him, Ino-Pig, before you break his back!" shrieked Sakura, pointing accusingly at the platinum blonde. Said blonde, on the other hand, just looked at Sakura as if she was bored, as she slid off Sasuke's back before he threw her off.

"Oh, hey there Billboard Brow. I almost didn't see you there, but then I noticed your abnormally huge forehead. So, have you been taking good care of _my _Sasuke-kun for me?"

"Tch, _your _Sasuke-kun? Get over yourself Ino-Pig, Sasuke-kun would never fall for some shallow girl he hardly ever knows? I've been on his team ever since graduation."

"Yeah, and that means he has to put up with _you _every single day! I'm sure that he's more than ready to spend time with any girl that _doesn't _have your freakishly large head."

"You take that back, Ino-Pig!"

"I'd like to see you try and make me, Billboard Brow!"

"Ino-Pig!"

"Billboard Brow!"

"Ino-Pig!"

"Billboard Brow!"

"Man, what am I, _chopped liver_?" Naruto muttered to himself, as he made his way to where Shikamaru and Choji were leaning against the training posts. As he looked back, he saw that Sasuke was slinking away from the squabbling girls, looking extremely agitated.

Asuma and Kakashi just sighed at how their respective kunoichi.

"Still having trouble with yours, I see." noted Kakashi dully.

"Yeah, she's one stubborn nut to crack." replied Asuma. "She's usually not this bad whenever we have our regular meetings. That is, unless Shikamaru or Choji say something critical about Sasuke. What about Sakura?"

Kakashi just sighed. "She still tries to get Sasuke to go out with her, despite his constant rejections. Yet, she harshly rejects any invitations Naruto offers her. It's kind of ironic in a harsh way: the boy that she's crushing on won't give her a chance, and she completely ignores the boy that has a crush on _her_."

"You're right, it does sound ironic when you put it like that. But, then again, you're only young once." said a voice behind them. Turning around, the two jonin saw that standing right behind them was man that appeared to be in his late fifties. He had white hair, black eye, as well as a full beard and moustache. He wore beige pants, and a black turtleneck underneath a beige blazer jacket. Seeing that the two jonin were looking at him, he smiled and introduced himself.

"Right, where are my manners? My name is Hiroto Akira, but friends call me _The Doctor_. I used to be a chunin, but now I'm a technical engineer. I saw you all meeting up, and I couldn't help but reminisce about my glory days in the Shinobi Corps."

"Really, how long were you a shinobi?" asked Asuma.

"Well, I became a genin when the Third Shinobi War was just about to end, I was about nine years old back then. And then got promoted about ten years after that. Then, I spent the rest of my ninja career as chunin. So I'd have to say…about…thirty years? You'll have to forgive me, my memory just isn't what it used to be. But do I remember that I retired when I was thirty-three, and took up technical engineering."

"Engineering, you say? Well, you've sure come along way as far as careers go. So, Mr. Akira, is there anything that we can help you with?" asked Kakashi.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could grant me a small favor. Would it be alright if I stayed to watch your training session for a while? I know that there are certain regulations about civilians watching ninja training, but it would really make my day just watch these rookies train; relive the nostalgia from the good ol' days, if you know what I mean?"

Asuma and Kakashi looked at each other for a moment, as if they were holding some sort of silent conversation, before looking back at the newcomer. "Sure, why not? As long as you don't interfere with our students, you can stay and watch." replied Kakashi

"Personally, I prefer to train my students without anyone watching, but I'll let it slide just this once, for a former comrade." said Asuma, after some thought.

"Thank you so much! You'll never know that I was here." said Hiroko, as he made his way to lean against another tree that was near the training ground.

Well, I guess we should get started, now that we have an audience waiting." stated Asuma, before he went to where the six genin were.

"Yes, I suppose." said Kakashi casually, his eye staying on the retired ninja for a quick moment, before following his fellow jonin.

"Okay, genin, it's time to get serious." said Kakashi. Immediately, the students gave the two jonin their attention, Sakura and Ino doing so reluctantly. "First of all, we thought we should start things off with a few sparring sessions, with your peers critiquing on each of your performances. And by critiques, I mean actual observations, not just saying if someone style is _stupid_, _sucked_ or _has no talent_. After that, we'll focus on ninjutsu, and discuss some possible ways to make some improvements or another style that would be best suited to your skills."

"And what if one of us has _no skills_ at all, then what do we do?" sneered Sasuke, as he directed his gaze to Naruto. Sakura and Ino giggled at the obvious barb towards Naruto.

"Hey, screw you, Sasuke!" Naruto shot back. But unfortunately for him, that action seemed as productive as hitting a hornet's nest with a stick.

"Hey, don't talk to Sasuke-kun like that, Naruto-baka!" snarled Sakura, as she bopped Naruto on top of the head.

"Yeah, you baka, it's not Sasuke-kun's fault your skills need the most work!" said Ino, mimicking her rival and hit him on the head as well. Shikamaru just gave a bored sigh, already

"Okay, okay, stay focused here, you guys." said Asuma, already sensing the migraine that was coming. Now then, do we have any volunteers for the first match?"

"Heh, guess I'll go first." snorted Sasuke, stepping into the clearing that was to be the fighting ring.

"Count me in!" declared Naruto.

Sasuke just snorted in disbelief, whilst the two kunoichi gave each other a knowing smirk, already predicting who the victor would be. Kakashi, on the other hand, didn't show any visible signs that he had expected something like this to happen. During Squad 7's last training session, Sasuke beaten Naruto with the aid of his Sharingan, despite the fact that he had specifically told the Uchiha heir not to. He had tried to make Sasuke realize that he couldn't always rely on his kekkei genkai all the time, but the stubborn boy refused to fight without using it, saying that it was his birthright, and that doing so would be a disgrace to his clan. Kakashi hoped that with all of his peers watching, Sasuke would actually show some restraint when it came to the Sharingan.

"I see no reason why not. What about you, Asuma?" stated Kakashi calmly. Asuma merely shook his head, prompting Kakashi to continue. "Alright, this will be a strictly taijutsu-based match. The match will go on until your opponent either falls to their knee or willing yields. "Lethal and crippling moves are strictly forbidden. You are not to use any ninjutsu, genjutsu, or any other clan techniques."

"I'm sorry, but what was that last thing that you said after genjutsu, Kakashi Sensei?" asked Naruto, innocently.

"Clan techniques, Naruto." repeated Kakashi.

"Oh, okay, thanks." replied the whiskered blonde. He then turned to glare at Sasuke. "You heard that as well, right Sasuke?" he said with an edge.

"Heh, of course I did, dobe. I don't need everything repeated to me like some moron." sneered Sasuke.

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you _understood _the set rules. Unless abiding to these restrictions is too complicated for you?"

"I wouldn't be so smug, Naurto. Or have you forgotten how our last match ended?"

"Only because you whipped out that Sharingan of yours. If you hadn't cheated, I would've wiped the floor with you!"

"Heh, not even your dreams, dobe. You don't have what it takes to beat an Uchiha!" Sakura and Ino cheered loudly for the Uchiha, causing Shikamaru to grimace and shoot annoyed looks at the two girls. Choji continued to munch on the potato chips that he was snacking on, while feeling sorry for Naruto. It wasn't fun having your comrades blatantly cheer against you.

As Kakashi made a quick glance to both his students, seeing that they were both ready, he dropped his hand, signaling for the match to commence. Without wasting time, Sasuke charged towards Naruto, intending on ending the match quickly. When he got close enough, he lashed out with a right round kick, thinking that he could quickly set the pace of the match by getting the first hit. But, he soon discovered that it wouldn't be that easy, as Naruto blocked the strike with his left forearm. Using his reflexes, Sasuke followed through with a quick left round kick, but was knocked back with a punch to the nose that he didn't see coming. Before he could regain his senses, he blown back by a strong side kick from Naruto.

Not one to waste an advantage, Naruto charged towards Sasuke. Seeing that the blonde was quickly closing the gap between them, lashed out with a low sweeping kick in attempt to halt his opponent's charge. Naruto waited until the last moment to jump over Sasuke's kick and lash out with a scissor kick aimed towards his opponent's head. Sasuke quickly shot towards his right, allowing the kick fly past him, giving him the chance to charge towards the blonde with a right hook, followed by a barrage jabs, crosses, and kicks. Naruto, however, was able to either dodge or divert the strikes, which served to only make the Uchiha even more desperate to actually land a blow.

'_Heh heh, I really have to think of something to repay Guy Sensei for all of those tips he gave for my taijutsu._' thought Naruto, as continued with his defense, waiting for the opportune moment to launch his counter attack. But as he watched Sasuke strike blindly, he realized his rival had several flaws in his taijutsu style. When Sasuke over-extended with a left round kick, Naruto seized his chance and shot a quick left jab to the solar plexus, which rewarded him with a satisfying "OOMMF!" from the Uchiha. Deciding that a little payback was in order, Naruto followed through his attack with a hard front kick to Sasuke's lowered head, further disorienting Sasuke, before he landed a triple punch combo, and finishing it off with a strong side kick. The force from the kick sent the Uchiha skidding back a few feet, dust flying as his feet tried to regain a firm stance. As Sasuke reassessed his situation, jealousy and anger began to surface within him.

'_How the hell is this dobe fighting so well? I was able to whip the floor with him the last time we fought! And now, I can barely land a hit on him! I will not let him defeat me in front of all these people! I am an Uchiha, an elite shinobi. Losing to this nobody is not an option. But how can I pull this off without using the Sharingan? His fighting style isn't the same anymore. If I could use the Sharingan, this match would be over in a second!_' Sasuke mentally ranted.

Naruto, on the other hand, was beside himself. He was actually holding his own against Sasuke. Hell, he may even have him on the ropes. Deciding to seize his chance to finally beat the stuck-up Uchiha in front of his fan girls, Naruto charged towards his opponent. intent on winning his match. He closed the distance almost instantaneously, his fist flying through the air aimed towards Sasuke's jaw. But at the last second, Naruto saw Sasuke's eyes flash into the Sharingan, before he suddenly felt something strike his throat hard and fast, causing the blonde to stumble back whilst clutching his throat and trying desperately to breathe. Not completely satisfied with his cheap shot, Sasuke slammed a hard front kick into Naruto's gut, knocking him on his back and gasping for air.

"That's enough!" shouted Asuma, appalled at how low the Uchiha would go to win his match. The Uchiha stopped his attack, smirking as he watched Naruto slowly regain his ability to breathe freely.

"Aw, but Sasuke-kun was winning!" whined Sakura.

"Yeah, things were starting to get interesting!" added Ino.

"Tch, you two are disgraces to kunoichi everywhere." said Shikamaru, his agitation apparent in his tone.

"Yeah! Besides, Sasuke cheated!" added Choji.

"You take that back!" yelled the kunoichi.

"SHUT UP!" roared Kakashi whilst directing a small amount of Killer Intent towards the bickering group, instantly silencing them. He then focused towards Sasuke, while Asuma went to see if Naruto was alright.

"Sasuke, I'm severely disappointed in you. I specifically told you that using crippling strikes and clan techniques were forbidden during the match. Yet, you deliberately did both when it appeared that you were about to lose! This the second time you used your dojutsu when I specifically told you not to!" scolded Kakashi.

"I was just fighting the way my clan always does, Sensei. Any Uchiha with the ability to use the Sharingan always go into battle with it blazing in all its glory." said Sasuke, his Sharingan still active, seemingly not affected by his sensei's anger. "To not use my Sharingan would be a disgrace upon my ancestors."

"So what your saying, is that your clan's pride take precedence over the orders from your sensei?"

"Heh. Well you know how the old saying goes: family comes first."

"**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX!**" shout a voice from behind the entire group. Looking behind them, the group saw that it was none other than Mr. Hiroto Akira, looking extremely peeved and was pointing directly at Sasuke. For some reason, his head appeared to be somewhat larger than normal. The genin and jonin were momentarily shocked speechless by the action of the mysterious man, before one of them decided to speak up.

"Who the hell are-ARGH!" was all that Sasuke was able to say before something large collided against his head at blinding speeds, instantly knocking the boy flat on his back, unconscious with a bloody noise. The object crashed down right next to Sasuke revealing itself to be…an old computer monitor? This development only made the observing ninja even more confused. But, it wasn't long before the silence was once again broken.

"How dare you do that to my Sasuke-kun!" shouted Sakura and Ino, before they charged at Akira, kunai knives drawn. Before either jonin could stop their students, Akira turned towards the charging girls and pointed at them.

"**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX!**"

Instantly, the two kunoichi were bowled over by yet another computer monitor that came flying out of nowhere. This time, Kakashi was prepared, as he was about to lift his headband to reveal his own Sharingan eye. But he never got a chance to exam Akira's attack, as Akira then pointed towards him.

"**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX!**"

Kakashi braced himself to dodge the projectile that he expected to shooting towards him, but was rewarded with something hard colliding in to the back of his skull. Before he lost consciousness and collapsed to the ground, he saw a cracked computer monitor land right beside him with his peripheral vision.

Seeing as no one was going to attack, Akira ran off with one final long "**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX**, running at speeds rivaling Mighty Guy, his head convulsing wildly all the while. The remaining conscious shinobi just stared at the scene before them. Suddenly, Choji pinched Shikamaru, earning a yelp from the normally lazy Nara.

"Hey, what's the big idea, pinching me like that?" he demanded.

"Oh, just making sure that you were awake, and that we're all still in reality…" said Choji, his eyes still staring where the retired ninja last stood.

**4444 **

_Chunin Exams, Sasuke vs. Rock Lee _

Sasuke landed with a loud thump. Rock Lee, on the other hand, patiently reassumed his opening stance and waited for Sasuke to make the first move. Meanwhile, Sasuke was bewildered that he couldn't block the last kick, despite the fact that he had seen it coming. It was almost exactly like that _infamous day _that he vowed to never speak of.

'_He must be using some sort of ninjutsu or genjutsu, it's the only logical explanation._' thought Sasuke, as he began to pool chakra to his eyes. '_But it won't matter. I'll show this nobody his place, with my Sharingan! Then his-_'

"**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX!**"

Sasuke had no time to dodge, as another computer monitor collided against his temple, instantly deactivating the Sharingan and knocking him out. Rock Lee, Sakura, and Naruto immediately looked to see where the projectile had originated from, only to see a broken window and thin wisps of smoke on the other side of it.

"Ooohhhh yyyeeaaaahhhhh…I nearly forgot about that guy! I thought that he had died or something." said Naruto, a smile on his face.

"Sh-shut up, Naruto! We all agreed to never speak about what happened that day!" snarled Sakura, seething at the broken window.

"Ano, what are you two talking about?" asked Lee, who was very perplexed at what had happened.

Naruto was about to answer, when Sakura quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, and gave an over enthusiastic smile towards the spandex-clad boy.

"Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! It's just an inside joke amongst our group. Well, look at the time! We better get to the testing room! It was nice meeting you, maybe we'll meet each other during the exam! Bye, now!" said Sakura in a rapid pace before she raced off, dragging Naruto and the unconscious Sasuke behind her.

Lee remained awestruck at what had happened before his eyes. But then, a grin slowly stretched across his face, and a strange gleam appeared in his eyes.

"YOSH! SAKURAN-CHAN IS THE MOST YOUTHFUL GIRL IN ALL OF KONOHA!" exclaimed Lee.

**4444 **

_Hiruzen Sarutobi vs. Orochimaru, Suna and Oto Invasion_

"Kukukuku" laughed Orochimaru as he stared down his former sensei. Everything was going swimmingly. Although, he had wished that the host for the Shukaku hadn't choked up at the last possible moment. But aside from that, everything else was going according to plan. The snake summons were breaking through the outer walls, his ninja were wreaking havoc everywhere, and he had the Hokage and himself imprisoned by an impenetrable barrier.

"Now then, I think that it's time that I finally put you out of your misery, Sarutobi _Sensei_." oiled the traitor. "And I know _just_ the people to help me in that endeavor." He began to go through a long chain of hand signs before finishing by clapping his hands together.

"Summoning: Impure World Resurrection!" declared Orochimaru. But before he could call forth the first casket, something shot out of the roof that was the battleground and landed with a loud thud. As the dust cleared, the two shinobi saw that a new fighter had arrived. One that seemed vaguely familiar.

"Who is this fool, _Sensei_? Another one of your blindly loyal lackeys?" sneered Orochimaru.

The newcomer just pointed at the sanin.

"**HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX!**"

Orochimaru had no time analyze the stranger's outburst, as a computer monitor slammed into his hands at break-neck speeds. The projectile easily broke both the sanin's wrists, before continuing its path and crashed into Orochimaru's face, sending him flying towards one of the barrier's walls. The sanin tried to stop himself from colliding against his own barrier, but despite his best efforts, his broken hands still managed to come in contact with the dangerous barrier, which resulted in them bursting into flames.

"AAAARRRRRGGHHHHHH! My hands!" roared Orochimaru, as quickly whipped his arms around in order to snuff out the flames. But it was too late, as his hands were reduced to red and black, burnt flesh. He tried desperately to move his fingers, but it only made the pain worse. The man looked for the fool that dared to interfere with his plans, but found that he had mysteriously disappeared, which was odd since the barrier was supposed to prevent trapped shinobi from escaping via shunshin.

"Lord Orochimaru!" cried one of the Oto nin that was responsible for maintaining the barrier. He hadn't expected his master to have been disabled so quickly. Orochimaru was seething at the predicament that he was in. The barrier ninjutsu had only been in place for at least an hour and a half, and already he was at a major disadvantage. All of his more lethal and powerful ninjutsu were rendered useless, leaving him vulnerable to his sensei. But, unfortunately, that meant there was only one option left for him, an option that left a disgusting taste in his mouth.

"Release the barrier! We're pulling out!" ordered Orochimaru. The four ninja quickly released the barrier, and made their escape alongside their master.

"Hiruzen, still shocked at the sudden interference, as well as the quick disappearance by his benefactor, Hiruzen soon followed, intended on correcting a mistake that should have been corrected years ago.

**END**

**4444 **

**Huzzah! Dr. Hax has made his first few appearances! But, his work is far from done! Dr. Hax belongs to however created him, same thing goes for Naruto. If you have no clue on who this Dr. Hax is, type in his name at the Youtube home page. Cheerio! **


	5. Tale 5

**Ninja Tales From Another Dimension!**

**Hola, readers! Bet you never expected to see an update for this series, eh? That is to say, if there's any of you that actually bother to follow this or add an alert for it. Anyways, have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were to leave behind a crazy will behind when you die? And you specifically say that _everything_ that's written in the will has to be carried out? Well, you're about to find out. **

**55555**

**Tale 5: Naruto's Will **

Rain poured down relentlessly in Konohagakure, matching the overall mood of all of the inhabitants. For it had been an entire week since the day that the village had lost their Rokudamie Hokage, and one of its most notorious and powerful shinobi that was ever born: Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. Yes, the "dead-last" had finally completed his life-long goal of becoming Hokage, as well as being recognized as a hero throughout the Elemental Nations for his part in the Fourth Shinobi World War and for finally putting an end to the abomination that was the Uchiha clan. It was a long and destructive battle, but in the end, both Madara and Sasuke were utterly destroyed, never to terrorize the world ever again. While the majority of the people celebrated the fact that the two Uchihas were no longer amongst the living, there were a select few that still held the Uchiha in high regards, the youngest of the two in particular. Yes, it would seem that the old saying during Naruto's academy days still held merit: "Once an Uchiha worshiper, always an Uchiha worshiper". Despite all of the crimes that Sasuke had committed, there were a few idiotic villagers that villainized Naruto for killing the last "_noble_" member of the elite Uchiha clan, including his female comrade from Squad Seven. It appeared that Sakura still had a thing for the last traitorous Uchiha, and held the blonde Uzumaki in contempt for killing him. Though the villagers and Sakura's actions did hurt Naruto, he was able to overcome the pain thanks to his true friends, and his girlfriend, Hinata, whom he later married and raised a big and happy family with her. And through his reign Konohagakure, as well as the rest of the Elemental Nations, experienced a long period of peace and prosperity that lasted for many years.

That was why his death had such a negative impact on Konoha, and several villages outside of Hi no Kuni. Naruto had made lasting impressions with the clients and countries that had hired him for jobs, and, whether it was intention or not, had managed to change them for the better. They had viewed the blonde shinobi as a hero as well as an icon, and the news of Naruto's death had resulted in a massive memorial throughout the countries lasted for an entire week.

Currently, in a room within the Hokage Tower, sat six people at the long table, one of them petting a cat in their arms, while another was trying to control their crying. They had been asked to come to the room, since their names were listed in the will that Naruto had left behind when he died. At first, they were puzzled as to why only they were mentioned in the former Rokudaime Hokage's will, as they knew of the numerous friends the blonde made throughout his career. But they soon decided that they were better off not trying to understand why Naruto did what he did, considering his track record of being Konoha's Most Unpredictable Ninja.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked in the Nanadamie Hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi. Naruto's self-proclaimed rival had finally grown into a young man, and made his dream come true in succeeding Naruto after he had retired. He was happy that his bro managed to fulfill his dream and have a happy life with his family. He had been one his most treasured people, and he was nearly inconsolable when it was announced that Naruto had died. Fortunately, his friends Moegi and Udon (who were now happily married), as well as his beloved wife Hanabi were able to help him overcome his grief.

Behind him followed a kunoichi that was formally known as Anko Mitarashi. Much had changed after the Fourth Shinobi World War. When Naruto had defeated Kabuto Yakushi, and rescued her from being used for the the madman's Edo Tensei, she was surprised to find out that the Heaven Curse Mark was no longer on her neck. After an examination from Tsunade, she had learned that Kabuto had used the chakra of her traitorous sensei that composed the mark, as well as her own chakra, to help power the damned technique. And that it was Naruto's timely arrival that she was saved from perishing as a result of the jutsu's constant use in the war. If it weren't for the fact that Naruto and Hinata were officially a couple at the war's end, she would have tracked the blonde down so that she could have given him a proper "_thank you_" for saving her life. But to this day, she was happy nonetheless. She was now a full jonin and head of the Torture and Interrogation department, as well as married to Iruka Umino, but they had decided to combine their surnames. She was currently two months pregnant with their first child, and was off the active duty roster, much to her chagrin. The T & I department was still in good hands, though, as her apprentice, Sai, was handling the more physically demanding aspects of the position as she would have.

Konohamaru's eyes swept across the room, his placid expression betraying the anger he felt as he saw a few of the very people that had made Naruto's life difficult. He wanted nothing more but to beat those people into a bloody unrecognizable pulp for the things that they had done to his bro, but knew that Naruto would have disapproved of such an action. Instead , he would have to abide to to Naruto's last will. His eye stopped on the person holding the cat, and couldn't stop the small smile from appearing.

'_Oh yes, this __**shall**__ be interesting._' thought the Hokage, as he got behind the podium that was in front of the table, gaining the groups attention by clearing his throat. "Thank you all for coming. Now we can begin. As your Hokage, I have been empowered to read Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze's last will and testament. " he said, pulling out a scroll and opening it. Anko withdrew a clipboard, with what appeared to be some sort of list.

"Finally! Can we please get on with it already, Hokage-sama? I've got an important meeting in a couple of minutes." said Kiba Inuzuka, who had failed to mention that said meeting was one of the four prostitutes that he usually frequented whenever he couldn't get a girl for a one-night stand.

"Oh, poor dear old Naruto-kun!** WWWAAAAHHHHH**!" Sakura wailed in a way that almost sounded forced. Though, most people couldn't tell these days, as the pinkette had gotten better at faking her emotions to the point that she had several men wrapped around her fingers, one of them being Rock Lee, until she finally settled down.

"There, there, Sakura-chan." said her husband, a brown-haired man by the name of Kentaro Sakata, in a comforting manner. No one liked Kentaro at all. He had the arrogance that was worse than the late Sasuke, and was often caught nearly breaking mission protocol whenever there was a chance that it could be beneficial for him. Of course, whenever someone would bring this to Konohamaru's attention, the bastard always managed to connive his way out of severe reprimand through the loopholes in their laws. Although, this had been happening less often, nobody trusted him. Many have joked that it was his good looks, opportunist mindset, and Uchiha-like attitude, that had drawn Sakura to him and eventually accept his marriage proposal.

Kakashi Hatake said nothing, that same bored look plastered on his face. He was still three hours late to everything, and read his Make-Out books out in public. For some reason, he and Naruto drifted apart after he became Hokage, but whenever someone asked the Copycat Nin about it, he would try to change the subject or flat out leave. Instead, he just sighed tiredly, lamenting on the fact that he couldn't be reading his book without looking disrespectful.

"I never worked for a kinder man." said Nabiki, young woman with brown hair in a pixie-styled haircut, who used to be Naruto's old secretary when he was Hokage. Her tone of voice didn't fool any of the people present, knowing full well she was trying once again to get as much money as she could by trying to look remorseful. Everyone in the room knew that she was infamously known as an opportunistic, greedy businesswoman that was willing to do anything to make a profit, including committing numerous corrupt and amoral acts at the expense of others (including her own family). But on one fateful day, her entire world came tumbling down, and she was soon wanted for orchestrating Ponzi schemes that had left hundreds penniless, as well as several counts of fraud, blackmail, forgery, and framing. She was going to be sentenced a prison sentence of ninety years, and her family had finally disowned her when she was arrested, leaving her high and dry. She was saved by this fate, however, by Naruto at the last minute by having her work as his secretary, and several other jobs at minimum wage until the she worked off all of the money she had laundered. Many had questioned Naruto's logic to saving such an amoral criminal, as they held no love for the woman. It was later revealed that Nabiki's mother had been amongst the few adults in the village to ever show kindness to him when he was a child, and had been saddened when he had learned that she had died. Surprisingly, Naruto was able to keep Nabiki in line whenever she tried to revert back to her old habits, under the threat that he had his family would administer a punishment so harsh that she would wish for death. Currently, she was still paying off her debt by working for the Ninja Academy and the barbeque restaurant that Squad Ten used to frequent.

"I don't why I'm even here with Lady Shima's cat. I didn't even know the Hokage on a personal level." said Kei, one of the Fire Daimyo's servants. In his arms was none other than Tora, the very bane of every Konoha genin's existence. Everyone could see that the man really didn't like the animal he was carrying, evidenced by the slightly faded scratch marks on his face and hands.

"Before we start, would all of you please uncover the seals that have been placed in front of you on the table. They are the storage seals that will release your inheritance when I get to your name, and Anko crosses your name off of the list. This will make the procession pass quickly." said Konohamaru, as he waited for the gathered group to do as they are instructed. "Thank you. Now we can begin. _**I, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, being of sound mind and body,**_"

"HA! That's a laugh!" interrupted Kiba, only to be abruptly silenced when he felt something coil around his legs. Looking down at his lap, he was horrified to see two venomous vipers hissing at him, posed to strike at his manhood at any given moment.

"Please refrain from talking ill of our deceased Rokudamie Hokage, Inuzuka-san. Some people might take offense to that sort of behavior." said Anko sweetly, a bright smile on her face. Only those that were familiar of her methods knew of the amount of insufferable pain that was in store for them whenever they saw that smile aimed at them.

"F-forgive me for my rudeness, Mitarashi-Umino-san, Hokage-sama. It won't happen again." replied Kiba, who was as white as a sheet at how close he was to becoming a eunuch. He only breathed a sigh of relief when the two snakes slithered off his legs, but then blanched when he saw them slither up Anko, and rest upon her shoulders.

"Right then," said Konohamaru, "if I may continue without any _further interruptions_. _**I, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, being in sound mind and body, do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly-sensitive, former teammate Sakura Sakata**_,"

At that moment, Sakura's crying began again with renewed vigor.

"Sakura-chan, he's talking about us." reminded Kentaro gently.

"Oh." said Sakura, embarrassed at her "sudden" outburst.

"_**Who used me as her personal punching bag during the early days of Squad Seven. Who grubbed for money and favors from me when my familial heritage was finally revealed, grubbed with her husband, and then cried crocodile tears whenever I needed sympathy or support from a friend.**_" continued the Hokage.

"Wait, what?" said Sakura, disbelievingly.

"_**To Sakura, I leave, a boot to the head.**_" With that, Anko nipped her finger, and placed a drop of blood on a spot on her clipboard.

"A what?"

**THUNK! **

"OW!" exclaimed Sakura, her surprise over the will causing her to overlook that the seal placed in front of her glowed for a moment, until a boot flew out and crashed squarely against her forehead, knocking her back in her seat. Kiba chortled at Sakura's expense.

"Sakura-chan, are you okay?" asked Kentaro turning to face his wife.

"_**And another boot to her douche-bag of a husband, Kentaro.**_"

**THWACK! **

"YEOW!" cried Kentaro, as he clutched the side of his head were the boot hit him. Kiba just laughed harder at the family's expense.

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" snarled Sakura, her husband nodding in agreement.

"_**Ah, but still, you were my old teammate. You and your husband have both admired the private train that Princess Koyuki of Spring Country had given me, and since I will no longer be needing it,**_"

"Oh, Naruto-kun, he's too kind!" exclaimed Sakura, her attitude changing instantly.

"Hm, yes." said Kentaro, his eyes taking on a greedy look at the thought of auctioning off the lavishly designed first-class train.

"_**I bequeath another boot to the head.**_"

"WHAT?"

**THUNK! **

"OOF!"

Kiba laughed even harder at this.

"_**And one more for the douche.**_"

**THUNK! **

"AH!"

Surprisingly, the boots managed to hit them in the same exact spots as their brethren had.

"_**Next, to my alcoholic and extremely perverted associate, Kiba Inuzuka.**_"

"Hey now, I don't want no boot to the head!" said Kiba, his eyes zeroing in one the seal before him as if it were a ticking time bomb.

"_**Dear Kiba, who has never wasted a single moment oh his life attempting to sleep with any attractive woman he saw before him, whether they be single or married, including my beloved wife Hinata on numerous occasions,**_"

"I'm covering up my head." said Kiba, trying to cover as much of his head as possible with his arms, partly because of what he was expecting to come flying out of the seal, and partly so that he couldn't see the dangerous looks that Anko and the Hokage were sending towards him.

"_**I leave behind a three year subscription of **_**Playboy**_** and **_**Kuniochis Gone Wild**_** magazines, as well as a crate of Wave Country's finest sake.**_"

In a poof of smoke, two receipts for the aforementioned magazine subscriptions and a crate appeared before the Inuzuka, who lowered his arms in disbelief.

"Really?"

"_**And a boot to the head.**_"

**THUNK! **

"ARGH!" exclaimed Kiba, the lightning fast boot nailing him under the chin, nearly knocking him out of his seat.

"_**And another for Sakura and the douche.**_"

**THUNK! **

"AH!"

**THUNK! **

"UUGH!"

"_**Next, to my know-it-all, lazy sensei, Kakashi Hatake,**_"

"Sorry, Naruto, but I think I can predict where you're going to hit me with your little gift." said Kakashi, talking for the first time that he arrived.

"_**I leave a boot to the head.**_"

Kakashi ducked down at speeds befitting a veteran jonin, when-

**THUNK! **

"YEOUCH!"

the boot seemed to have predicted Kakashi's actions and managed to nail him in his right eye.

"I stand corrected. Ow, that really hurt." said Kakashi, rubbing his lone eye.

"_**And one for Sakura and the douche.**_"

**THUNK! **

"AGH"

**THUNK! **

"D'OH!"

"_**This takes care of personal obligations. And now to Ms. Nabiki,**_"

"Uh, that's okay, you don't really want anything." she said, shakily.

"_**Dear Ms. Nabiki, who has faithfully worked for me for several years, made me laugh, was willing to go on ramen runs for me.**_"

"Oh, I really didn't mind at all." she said, thinking that she might not be as bad off as she thought.

"_**To Ms. Nabiki, I bequeath, a boot to the head.**_"

**THUNK! **

"GAH!" she exclaimed as the boot nailed her on the nose.

"_**And one more for Sakura and the douche.**_"

**THUNK! **

"GYAH!"

"**THUNK!**"

"AUGH!"

"_**And to dear Tora, I leave my vast stash of-boot to the head!**_"

**THUNK! **

"MROW!" howled Tora, as the boot sent the cat flying out of Kei's arms, and crashed against the wall, before collapsing into an unconscious heap on the floor. Everyone couldn't help but smirk at the prone furry hellion having in some way been on the receiving end of its claws.

"_**And finally, to the Nanadamie Hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi, one of my closest friends who I have known since childhood. I leave not a boot to the head, but an extremely, pissed off badger, to be**_ placed in his pants?" Suddenly, there was a poof of smoke that soon followed by a deep, angry, growling sound that soon gave way to the sound of slashing, ripping, and snarling. Though the group couldn't see what was happening behind the podium, but Anko's shit-eating grin, and Konohamaru's pained expressions and cries were enough for them to know that whatever was happening to their Hokage wasn't pretty. Yet, despite the obvious pain he was enduring, he continued on with reading the will.

"OOEERRRGGHHH! GAH! URK! AH! AH! And,..._**And I leave my entire estate of 20 million ryo to my family and the people of Amegakure: 10 million to my wife and children so that my family will be well provided for in the future, and 10 million to the citizens of Amegakure so that they can rebuild and heal their war-torn homeland and finally have a decent place to live!**_" said Konohamaru as fast as he could, the sound of the badger's snarls and slashing disappearing after he had finished. With the angry mammal no longer attacking him, he collapsed against the podium in relief, trying to ignore the lingering "pain".

"So, that's it?" asked Kei, a bit shell shocked at what had just transpired in front of him.

"That's IT?" exclaimed Kentaro, indignantly.

"That's disgraceful!" seethed Kiba, angry that the blonde had managed to make a fool out of him, even after he had died.

"Actually, there's one more thing for everybody." said Konohamaru, regaining his composure.

"Cover your heads, everybody!" warned Kiba, breaking the eerie silence that had settled in the room after the Hokage's announcement.

"_**And lastly, I leave each of you a lifetime supply of ramen.**_" finished Konohamaru.

"Really? _**Ramen**_? That's all?" asked/demanded Kentaro.

"That's all." replied Konohamaru, as he and Anko made to exit the room.

"But wait a minute. What flavor is it?" asked Nabiki, but at that time, Anko and the Hokage had already left, or so they thought when Konohamaru's head poked through the door way, with a mischievous smirk.

"Boot to the head!" he said before his head darted back out and he shut the door, so as not to be accidentally nailed by the onslaught of boots that shot out of the seals. Outside, Anko and Konohamaru laughed as they heard the many curses, pained outbursts, and panicked cries, before they walked away towards the Hokage's office.

"Well, Rokudamie-sama sure knows how to leave behind a will, doesn't he, Nanadamie-sama?" asked Anko mirthfully.

"I'll say." said Konohamaru. "I was worried that the recording was going to be found out when it came to that part. And I was really surprised that Kakashi was willing to be such good sport throughout the entire reading."

"Well, even though they had a falling out between them, they still cared about each other." said Anko solemnly. "Aside from Hatake and Kei, you _do _know that the others are going to storm into your office bitching about how they were cheated, right?"

Konohamaru's face darkened at that. "If they think that they can get me to bend to their demands, then they've got another thing coming! I am the Hokage, and my word is _law_! And I'll be damned if those bastards and bitches try to steal from Naruto and his family!" he retorted, with steel resolve in his voice. Anko just smiled at the young man Konohamaru Sarutobi had become. The man had matured into a wise and benevolent leader that firmly stood by his ideals, the very type of person Naruto wanted in his successor.

"Naruto, Asuma, and the Sandamie would have been so proud of you, Ko." she said, using the nickname his wife and Kurenai used for him.

"Ko" just smiled, not having it in him to tell the older woman off for calling him that name.

"Is there anything else that you need from me, Nanadamie-sama?" asked Anko, her attitude switching from mirthful, to gentle, to formal far more quickly than Konohamaru had expected her to. Quickly glancing to her belly, he surmised that her pregnancy had something to do with her mood swings.

"Konohamaru just shook his head. "No, that will be all for today, Anko. I know that you're itching to get leave and go hara-uh I mean spend time with Iruka, so you're free to go." he said, careful to catch his slip up before it was too late.

"By your leave, Lord Hokage." said Anko, with a short bow, before she headed off to go find her husband.

"Oh! Before I forget," called out Konohamaru, stopping Anko in her tracks, "Hanabi wants me to ask you if you and Iruka will be able to join us and Hinata's family for dinner tomorrow?"

Anko just blinked owlishly for a moment. "Pickled sea urchins and stuffed mushrooms?" she asked, innocently.

Konohamaru had to resist the urge to gag at the food that she requested; who knew that a woman's pregnancy resulted in some of the craziest cravings. "I'll be sure to let her know, and we'll see what we can do." he said, a large sweat drop forming on the back of his head.

"Then, we'll definitely be there! What time do you want us to come?"

"Well, how about around eight? Will that alright with you?" he asked.

"Perfect! We'll see you then!" said Anko brightly, disappearing in a leaf shunshin. Konohamaru just laughed at the kunoichi's antics, wondering what it was like for his old academy instructor to be married to her. He had encountered her numerous times whenever she was in her blood thirsty mood, yet she and Iruka truly seemed to be happy together. With a small chuckle, Konohamaru set off to prepare his meeting Hinata and Naruto's real friends regarding his _true_ will.

**END! **

**55555 **

**And thus another tale has ended. I'm so sorry for the delay, but technical issues, and a severe case of laziness, made things harder than they should have been. Anyways, the inspiration for this tale came from the sketch "Last Will and Temperament" (a.k.a. "Boot to the Head") by The Frantics. Anyways, I'll be adding some links to so artwork that I had commissioned, which will go along with my other stories, so be on the look out. But I'm still looking for talented artists. Don't forget to R & R!**


	6. Tale 6

**Ninja Tales From Another Dimension! **

**Hi-ho, Toa Naruto here! Boy, I bet none of you thought that you'd see an update in this little collection, huh? Anyways, here's a little something for you all to prove that I am not calling it quits. I saw this interesting video made by the YouTuber _nutsVSguts_ about how to deal with internet trolls, which involved InuYasha and Kagome representing the internet and "trolls" respectively. So, I thought that I would try my hand at it. I own nothing! **

**666666**

**Tale 6: Why Tsunade Hate's Mountain Goats**

It wasn't supposed to have been this difficult. Sure, he had a feeling that his old teammate would hard to locate, considering her bad habits, but he had honestly thought that he had caught a lucky break when he found Tsunade and her apprentice in that bar. And it was a not a moment to soon. But the instant he and his young charge stepped into that little restaurant, was when all hell broke loose for Jiraiya.

Tsunade had obviously been hitting the bottle when he and Naruto joined their group at their table, he could practically smell the alcohol in her breath. And considering the silent reaction between her and Shizune when he mentioned Orochimaru, it was clear that they had already made contact with the traitorous snake. When he dropped the bomb that the Leaf wanted her to be the next Hokage, she declined the position, like he predicted she would. But what he didn't expect was her to go on a drunken tirade on how their sensei and the other previous Hokages were fools in taking up the position; not exactly the right words to say in front of Naurto, one who was determined to be Hokage one day.

His latest student didn't take Tsunade's too kindly, if his threat that he'd take on anyone that dared to disrespect the Hokages was anything to go by. Hell, he even jumped up onto the table in order to leer over her in a menacing way. If he were in the younger blonde's place, he would've taken advantage of the view he could have gotten from the boy's position. But what he _didn't_ expect was Tsunade to challenge Naruto to a fight out in the streets. Having first-hand experience of his former teammate's strength, he knew that the young Uzumaki was in for one hell of a beating. And he also knew that there was no way he could diffuse the situation, considering Tsunade's infamous temper. So now, he stuck as an observer along with Shizune, to what would most likely a brutal beat down.

"Heh, you've got a lot of nerve challenging a sanin. You must be either pretty brave, or completely stupid." taunted Tsunade.

"Well just see." said Naruto. "So let's make things interesting, since you're a betting woman. If I beat you, you'll come back to Konoha to at least heal the injured. How's that sound?"

"HA! Like _that's_ going to happen." she sneered, before she held up her right index finger. "One finger. That's all that I'll need to end this quickly."

"Oh yeah? Well I'll see your one finger, and raise you another!" countered Naruto, as he held up his right index and middle fingers. "I bet you that I can beat _you _with just these two fingers."

Tsunade's furrowing brow showed that she wasn't all too pleased with the boy's bluff. "Okay, you want to play it that way? Fine! But when I beat you senseless, I expect you to bow to me and apologize to me, _and _give me all of your money to compensate for wasting my time."

"Heh! As you said before, '_like that's going to happen'_. So bring it on, ya alcoholic old hag!"

That proved to be the last straw that broke the camel's back. With an enraged growl, Tsunade rushed towards the boy, her finger poised to attack. Naruto, on the other hand, stood still and waited until she crossed half the distance between them, before he brought his two fingers into his mouth and whistled a sharp note.

Barely a second later, a beige blur zoomed past the genin and collided against Tsunade, more specifically her crotch, with an audible _**gong!**_, earning loud pained scream from the woman as she hunched forwards from the force of the impact. The force of the collision also caused the speeding objects to stop in the trajectory. Tsunade landed on her knees, before she collapsed to her side, as she curled into a semi-fetal position, cradling her abused area. In front of her sat a male mountain goat, which Jiraiya noticed was cross-eyed. But he just couldn't believe what he was seeing, it was just too unbelievable.

"W-W-W-What is that?!" screeched Shizune in disbelief, as she squeezed Tonton against her chest.

"_**MOUN-TAIN GOAT TO THE COOCH!**_" declared a monotonous voice that echoed throughout the area, making Jiraiya and Shizune's head dart around in search of the speaker.

"Huh, it actually worked." commented Naruto, gaining the attention of the others.

"N-Naruto, what the hell?" asked Jiraiya.

"Huh? Oh, the goat. This guy's been following me for a while now ever since you and I left, Pervy Sage."

"Well why haven't I've seen it before? I would think that I would've noticed if something like an _goat_ was following us." retorted Jiraiya.

"Well, half the time you're out drinking and hanging out in brothels, so I hardly doubt that." countered Naruto.

"Hey! I'll have you know...you know what, that's not important right now. Why did it attack Tsunade like that?" questioned Jiraiya, as he gestured toward the animal, which was still sitting in front of the trembling sanin. Shizune remained where she stood, gawking at it with disbelief.

Naruto shrugged. "I don't know, I guess it doesn't like girls with nasty personalities, or at least the ones that I interact with. It's attacked Sakura a couple of times already."

Jiraiya stared at the blonde genin. "So you egged Tsunade on into attacking you, knowing that it was watching, and that it would attack her when you gave the signal?"

"Actually, no. I just saw it staring at me, and I thought that I would at least give it a try."

"And that loud voice?"

"Beats me. Personally, I think it's just the goat, but I've never really figured that one out."

Jiraiya's gaze whipped from the goat to the groaning Tsunade trembling on the ground, and then back to the animal, before he turned back Naruto.

"That was kind of a cheap shot, don't you think?" deadpanned the toad sanin.

"We're ninja, I thought you said that we're supposed to fight dirty." retorted Naruto.

Meanwhile with Shizune, she was torn between going to help her master, and simply standing still so as not to draw the goat's attention to her. It was already staring at her, or at least she thought it was, one of its eyes was looking at her. Suddenly, the animal turned to face the brunette, initiating a tense stare-down, before suddenly-

"WWWAAAAAHHHH!" The goat let out a loud scream that sounded surprisingly human, before it tore away from the four humans, leaving a dusty trail behind it as it ran off into the distance. The entire display left everyone speechless.

"YYYYeah, he has a habit of that doing that." said Naruto, before he made his way over to Tsunade. As he kneeled down to her with a victorious smile. The busty woman said nothing, instead opting to glare at him as if she were trying to will him to burst into flames, but Naruto simply paid no attention to it. "So, you ready to see how much the Leaf has changed in your absence?"

**END! **

**666666 **

**So here you go! Will this be the last of the mountain goat? Who knows! You'll just have to wait and find out! If you want to see the video that served as the source of my inspiration, this is the link: www. Youtube watch?v=WtpgFQdB7pc&list=PL46325B98422766DA&index=21. Just be sure to delete the spaces between the periods. Happy Easter, everyone!**


End file.
